More stuff I'm cooking up!!!
Today is a very, very rare day, in that I actually posted 2 entries.
Holy snap! (I'm trying not to swear.)
Will miracles never cease?
I saw satan today buying a snowblower.
As you know from an older entry, I work hard, day and night, inventing things that will make your life better in the near future.
Here are some more things you'll be enjoying in the not-so-far-away future.
- Breakfast you can smoke.
-The Backstreet Poms (TM)
- A temporary scar, that you can put anywhere on your body to impress chics. (Washes out after 10 showers)
- An automobile named "Walley."(TM)
- A reality TV show with just babies trapped in a cave. The trick is, one of the babies is actually a Dingo, PRETENDING to be a baby. The real babies not only have to find there way out of the cave. But have to aviod being eaten by the Dingo disguised as a baby!
- Contact lenses that makes everybody look really fucking hot!
- An Outward Bound type of adventure for corporate executives, but instead of going out to the wilderness. You'll get to "roll" with a posse of gangsters for a month.
- Not that I believe in segregation, but I think if us Americans had it's own "U.S. All-Gay Army"(TM) We'd kick some serious ass!!!!
- A pill, that would turn your snots into salt-water taffy.
- A cure for those left-handed freaks.
- A potion that will cover your feet with long, thick hair so it always feels like you're walking in slippers.
- I think we're all bored with the stupid moon. In the imortal words of one Janet Jackson, "What has it done for me lately?" Let's blow up the fucker!
- Instead of getting fired from work for wasting your day coming up with weird inventions, you have to pull down your pants and go through the "Spanking Machine."(TM)
- Tell Britney Spears that she has to either shave her head, or kill an innocent puppy with her bare hands. Then watch what she does...
- A radio that will be inserted into your brain, through your ear. Only you will be able to hear the radio. If you want to change stations you'll need to hit your head against a solid object. Also, you may never turn the radio off.
- Heard of laughing gas? Try a bowl of "Laughing Soup"(TM)
- A sport very simular to baseball. The object is the same, to go home. Except in this game you'll be trying to go to your real home. The game starts with you being 5 miles from your house. First, you call your wife up and tell her that you got her sister pregnant. The object is to run home before she can break $5,000 worth of your stuff. The oposing team, that tries to block you from reaching your destination, are called "Lawyers."
- I feel pretty
- The world's biggest entertainment arena. Where, the great Emperor Jonathan the Giving, will provide entertainment consisting of feeding the left-handed freaks to the lions.
- Staplers that will only staple what they damn well please!
- What kind of name is Chuck?
- Lobby for an addition to our constitution, stating that politicians, or any elected public servernt for that matter. By penalty of law, shall always be dressed like vampires. They must also be able to juggle three objects at once while giving speeches. One of the objects needs to be on fire.
- Have the FBI interogate a poodle. And find out once and for all what the hell their deal is.
- I'm going to clone Joey Ramone. And start my master race of Ramonians. (TM)