The Zany Adventures of Genghis Jon, & John The Roommate
Me and my roommate came home last night to find some little bastard asleep on our couch.
"You know this guy?" I asked.
"Nope" he responded.
"What should we do?"
"I'll handle this one." He responded calmly as he picked up a guitar.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"I'm gonna' play him a little song I wrote."
"Play him a song? What song?"
"It's a little diddy called 'I'm Gonna' Bash Your Head In Blues'"
After a 20 minute beating, John turns to me and says "I sure hope he liked that song."
"Ha! Hey, you know what? Remember that drummer I told you I met? This is actually him. I left the key under the rug, and told him to come over. I was just kinda' joking about not knowing who he was."
"Yeah, his name is Kadrel. I thought I'd trick you."
"Yeah, I mean....remember the time when you moved my car around the block and made me think it was stolen? Remember how I said I'd get you back? Well....I got you!"
"Wow......Jon.....you....I mean....sure know how to play a trick....I mean, wow."
"HA! Yeah, I sure got you!! You should see the look on your face! Dude, it's PRICELESS!"
"Yeah....hey, this is kind of illegal, ain't it?"
"Well, I'm no lawyer John, but I'm gonna' go with a big fat YES! I mean, I could check a law book or something, but my guess is beating a guy to a bloody pulp with a guitar, while he's asleep on our couch might be due cause for some legal action."
"Oh my God....I'm going to jail."
"Geezus' Jon, why didn't you stop me?"
"Hey now. Don't be putting this on me. It's not my job to keep you from killing people. I mean, nobody has to 'stop me' from spraying an orphange with a semi-automatic. You know? I mean, if I did that, I wouldn't say to you Hey John, why didn't you stop me?"
"But you were standing right here!"
"Well, now you know how I felt when you made me think my car got stolen."
"Jon! You got to help me hide the body!"
"No, see, you have to help you hide the body. If I helped you, I'd be an accomplice to murder. All I have to do is check my email and go to bed."
(John starts grabbing paper towels frantically, while wiping the blood and brain chunks off the floor.)
"You probably don't want to hear this right now, but the fact that he's black and you're white isn't gonna' help the matters much."
"Johnny Cockran is gonna' eat you up."