Some Thoughts on Alexander the Great
"We cannot come out and say that (former U.S.) President John F. Kennedy was a shooting guard for the Los Angeles Lakers basketball team and so Warner cannot come out and say Alexander was gay."
That is my most favorite quote I read in the news all day. That one came from a Greek lawyer who's group is suing Oliver Stone over his portrayal of Alexander the Great as a bisexual of all things.
Here's the thing with Greeks, they're all gay. All of them. Wanna' know who first came up with the idea of using one's anus as a doorway to Pleasureville? It wasn't the Germans.
Now I'm not saying that the Greeks are bad people, or even that this group is wrong in saying that there is no historical evidence that proves Alexander the Great was anything less than straight.
But COME OOOOOOOOOON! We all know he humped a couple of generals. What kind of actual historical evidence are we gonna' get from a guy's man-on man rompings? Was somebody suppose to write that down? I think Alexander would have asked his biographer to leave that part out.
All the proof you need is at your local Greek pizzeria. Just look at Dimitris behind the counter with his 2 foot long ponytail, and his open shirt inviting eyes towards his nest of greasy chest hair. What's that all about?
Ok, that proved nothing, but check out the menu. What comes with every meal? A what? What's that? Greek salad? Salad as in tossing the salad? Tossing the salad as in one gives oral pleasure to one's butt? And people need artifacts to prove Alexander was bisexual? Man, it's so clear! Open your eyes people!
Well the movie opens this weekend and I'm already hot for gay sex, and I'm sure you will be too after seeing this shitty movie.
I hope you have all learned that Alexander the Great gave great head. And did other stuff too, I'm not really sure what, but Greeks everywhere should feel proud that their greatest national hero is being portrayed by the world's biggest Irish idiot alive today. Colin the Retarded.
PS
Greek salads have olives in them which are really tasty. Especially if you're eating them from some dude's butt.
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