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Crackheads Are People Too

I was reading this article and started to realize just how ambitious crackheads really are.

I mean, this guy went through all the trouble of killing his aunt and her boyfriend for a mere $20.

I hardly do anything for $20. Matter of fact, I’m writing this at work. I’m probably making $20 for writing this.

This got me thinking about my next business venture. I’m calling it CrackTemps.

CrackTemps is the first temporary employment agency staffed entirely by crackheads.

What’s different about CrackTempts is that we feel that crackheads aren’t unmotivated people, they’re just not challenged in the appropriate way.

See, us non-crackheads in the workforce are motivated by money. Nothing else.

But let’s say you were sick and instead of money, your company paid you with medicine. Medicine you would need throughout the day repeatedly or face being seriously ill. You’d work like a motherfucker, wouldn’t you?

My vision entails putting crackheads at CEO type jobs, where they’re given the challenge of finding a way to save the shareholders 3 million dollars a fiscal quarter……or no crack.

I believe this will work because let’s face it, these guys kill for crack, literally. So why wouldn’t they do just about anything else we need of them? I hope to see a crackhead president in my lifetime.

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The Democrats have this wild idea of inviting bloggers to cover the Democratic National Convention.

I’m going for this, and I hope to God I get it. I’m a huge Kerry supporter and would love the opportunity to cover this convention like only I can.

I think I have proven myself a serious political commentator, and that I reach an audience desirable to the Dems.

Letting me loose at the convention….would that be the coolest thing or what?

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And I don’t think I fully explained my views on the Adkins diet.

First, if you’re on a diet that tells you to forgo fruits and vegetables and to replace them with bacon and cheese, you’d better start asking some questions.

”But Jon, I’m on the Adkins diet and I lost lots of weight. How do you explain that?

Listen close cause I’m about to blow down a lot of doors with this.

Before I begin I just want to state that I have no license to practice medicine. I have never been to med school, and I didn’t even completely read Dr Adkins book. I’m simply a very smart guy who can see through bullshit when it’s in front of me.

Anyways, from my understanding is that Adkins tells you to avoid refined carbs, including sugar. Food with even a decent amount of sugar should be avoided on the Adkins plan.

So what we have here is people not eating cakes, candy bars, ice cream, cookies, ect., completely dumbfounded at how they lost weight. How revolutionary.

People, wake up. If you wanna’ lose weight go to the gym and eat whatever you want.

If you wanna lose a lot of weight, go to the gym and eat healthy. Just please stop thinking someone’s gonna’ come along with a shortcut.

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