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Letter To A French Club

The following is a correspondence I had via email with a local French club. I took on the role as an angry ex-marine.

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WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION? How dare you, and your little Emperor Jack Iraq try to prevent this Great country from going to war. Sir, in all due respect, I'll rip off your head and piss in your skull!! In my 28 year career of protecting this fine country in the US Marines Corp (Semper Fi!) I have never come across a more disgraceful, disgusting, disrespectful, disenchanted, dishonorable, and distasteful race of people I've had the displeasure of having a discussion with. You and your country full of flamboyant interior decorators would do well to come down to my boot camp for some All American basic training. I've made a career turning sissy boys like yourself into cold-blooded killers in a matter of weeks. I guarantee that your socialistic, "The world owes me a living" attitude will be exchanged for an unquenchable lust for blood of all that would oppose These United States of America, HO-RA Semper Fi, do or die! I'll make you sissies as American as Lady Liberty Herself.

Sgt Luther "Griff" McGriffin

US Marine Corp (Retired)

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Dear Sarge

Sir, I have no idea why you have chosen the Alliance Franšaise de Hartford to spew your venom. We are not a political organization nor do we wish to be. We are nothing more than an community organization serving people interested in French language and culture. I might suggest you send your correspondence to the French Embassy, or a government department in France that's trained to deal with John Wayne types such as yourself.

In closing I would like to offer you an invitation to come down and check us out. Perhaps you'll learn that the "Lady Liberty" you speak of as being so American was actually a gift from France.

Just leave the assualt riffle at home, OK?

- Paul LaChance

- Alliance Franšaise de Hartford

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Pierre, From the Halls of Montezuma, To the Shores of Tripoli I've yet to find a person with such a lack of honor as yourself.

You are a flamboyant, berret wearing, cheese eating, white flag waving, commie sympathizing, yellow-bellied frog. WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION??? I've ripped people's heads off and pissed in their skull for being less insulting then you have been. All I wanted to know is why you people are such morons, and you have the nerve to turn around and insult a Sergeant in The United State Marine Corp, HOW DARE YOUR PIERRE!

I have half a mind to rip off your gawdamn head and piss in your skull. After all the blood we spilled to free your country on the beaches of Normandy, you turn around and have the nerve to mock John Wayne, one of our great American heroes, and one of the first Marines to liberate your vineyard you call a country.

I've included a photo of myself. Here I am being decorated for killing 5 Iraqi Repulican Guards with my bare hands, then ripping off their heads and pissing in their skulls.

If you so happen to see this particular Marine show up at one of your flag burning ceramonies, you'd do well to haul ass. Semper Fi.

Sgt Luther "Griff" McGriffin

US Marine Corp (Retired)

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Dear Sarge,

John Wayne is a homo.

- Paul LaChance

- Alliance Franšaise de Hartford

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