The Story of Hair...
The history of hair is very long and tangled.
Hair was first discovered in 15th century France, by Jean Baptiste Pierre de Pompadour.
After Misuer Pompadour made public his new find, the French monarchy thought they'd return the favor by showing him one of their own discoveries.................the guillotine.
Hair was quickly banned in France, as it was deemed "Bafoonish" and "Unbecoming of ze' French!" by the royals.
Not uncharacteristically, the French changed their mind 5 minutes after de Pompadour was executed.
After the King realised how good hair makes you look while eating cheese, he decared aloud "suc' mi' blu'! Zis' hair is zo cool!"
And it was deemed that, although the king's words are inspired by the divine and infallible, he stuck by his former claim that hair is still "unbecoming of ze' French" however, he also stated it was "unbecoming of ze' french NOT to have hair."
This confused a lot of people, namely the royal police who's sole job it was to enforce the word of the king.
This began the dark period in France when it's entire population was imprisoned for disobeying the word of the king, by either having or not having hair.
As you might imagine this created a small problem.
For, the police, along with the royal family and all of it's royal subjects were also perpetrators of this crime.
The police were allowed to leave their prison cells only when they were out arresting people. The king who was insistant on enforcing his word, demanded that he be imprisoned as well.
A royal cage was designed where he would be carted around the palace to conduct his royal business. The subjects pushing the royal cage, were in cages as well.
No doubt France at this time was in a "Hairy" situation....
Pope Chastity IX came to the relief of the nation by defining what the noble king meant. The Pope stated "Only big, poofy hair is deemed pleasing to the church, and the royal monarchy of France. Flat, inornament hair is still unbecoming of the French or the Church for that matter..."
Upon this declaration, France released themselves from jail, and the countryside ran amuck with hair fever!
(The hit musical 'Hair' was originaly based on this historic event.)
They started putting hair on their faces, on their chests, on their legs...their neighbors in Italy even started putting it on their backs!
Hair became such a norm, that men who didn't choose to participate with the "Hair Boom", were dubbed 'Bald' (French for Bad) and women refused to sleep with them. (The tradition continues to this day!)
Hair has been a major part of modern humanity.
It's started wars, and found cures for diseases.
Hair, in all practical terms.....is the fiber for which we humans degrade one another.
Thank you hair.
Thank you so very much!