The following is an interview I conducted with my Uncle Dougy.

Genghis Jon: Uncle Dougy, could you please introduce yourself to my readers?

Uncle Dougy: Sure, my name's Uncle Dougy. I'm 32 years old. People say I look like Brad Pitt, but with a bigger penis. For fun I like to hunt liberals and cheat on my wife.

Genghis Jon: OK, well, you got your name right. What kind of muzak do you rock out to?

Uncle Dougy: Ricky Skaggs is my favorite. He's phat, yo!

Genghis Jon: He sure is. Anyways, your a big republican guy. Most of my readers are bleading heart liberals, living off of welfare, and want to take away your guns. I'd like to give you this opportunity to address them.

Uncle Dougy: Love to. First off I believe being a liberal is caused by immaturaty of the brain. The body usually straightens this out by the time the individual comes to the age of 30. Pure and simple, liberals well over the age of 30 such as Ted Kennedy (who I can imagine is probably a big hero to most of you) are functioning retards. I'd choose to put the guy in an institution. But if the people of Mass want to vote for him as their senator, I guess they have the right to do so. Just keep your damn hands from taking my guns and putting it in the hands of the scum you're trying to release from jail. It's sick how us tax-paying citezens have to hold up the ground you liberals walk on and take for granted. This is America! We have a constitution! Don't like it? Bye! Get on the boat Barbara Steisand and Alex Baldwin promised they'd get on once George Bush won.

Genghis Jon: Jeepers creepers, Unk. You really hate them left-wingers, huh?

Uncle Dougy: They're parasites.

Genghis Jon: What about Biil Clinton. You like him, don't you?

Uncle Dougy: Bill Clinton was the biggest disgrace this country has suffered in it's existence. He's a pathetic man, married to a lesbian, and taught this nation avaluable lesson about putting a democrat in the whitehouse.

Genghis Jon: What about Hillary? She's cool, right?

Uncle Dougy: For those of you that weren't paying attention, I'll repeat myself. Hillary is a lesbian. Married to a man to use him for her own personal gain. I can only ponder as to why a state would choose to elect her for office. The damage she'll do will be enormous.

Genghis Jon: Wow, you're the king of conservatives, man! But you're very pro-choice. I thought your boy Dubya was against that?

Uncle Dougy: I don't really believe George Bush is anti-abortion. I think he just has to say certain things to please his party.

Genghis Jon: So he lied to the American people?

Uncle Dougy: I think we're all use to it after 8 miserable years of Bubba'.

Genghis Jon: Let's change the subject. You're a proud member of the NRA, is that correct?

Uncle Dougy: Damn proud!

Genghis Jon: Do you think I could beat up Charleton Heston?

Uncle Dougy: I think Ol' Chuck would beat the liberal piss out of you!

Genghis Jon: Naw, I'd bite his fingers off. Anyways, next question. Would you rather give up your guns, or women?

Uncle Dougy: I did give up women. I got married.

Genghis Jon: Yeah, well, you said that three other times.

Uncle Dougy: True, but that was when I had money to dish out.

Genghis Jon: You've been married four times. Tell my readers your philosophy on marriage.

Uncle Dougy: Find a woman you hate. Buy her a house.

Genghis Jon: You're the wind beneath my wings, Dougy. Next question. Where do you keep your guns? When Al Gore gets ellected in 2004, my liberal friends are going to have to come over and pick them up.

Uncle Dougy: I'd like to see them try. They take one step on my property and give them another piercing in their head.

Genghis Jon: Hey, hey, hey......Let's give peace a chance.

Uncle Dougy: I'll give peace a chance. A man has a right to carry a gun. It's part of being a man. I'll be dead before some pissant with green hair and a finger up his nose is gonna' tell me what I can and can't do.

Genghis Jon: This interview is going great!

Uncle Dougy: I hope someone is paying attention. It's still not too late for you. You can turn into a man anyday you want.

Genghis Jon: Naw, I doubt it.

Uncle Dougy: It's true! Trust your unk.

Genghis Jon: You think? Me?????

Uncle Dougy: Yes, even your dumb ass.

Uncle Dougy: Listen I have to get back to work.

Genghis Jon: Wait, one more question.

Genghis Jon: Is erectile dysfunction a republican trait, or is Bob Dole's case unique?

Genghis Jon: Hello?

Uncle Dougy: Sorry, you little prick. I have to go work for my money. Say hi to all your welfare friends I support with my tax dollars.

Genghis Jon: Do you think Ronald Reagan is unable to die?

Genghis Jon: Hello?

Genghis Jon: You there?

Genghis Jon: Do you think Newt Gingrich likes to be called "Newty wit' da' booty"?

Genghis Jon: Hello?

Genghis Jon: Do you think Pat Robertson loves you as much as he loves Jesus?

Genghis Jon: Hello?

Genghis Jon: True or false, George W Bush is the same person as George Bush Sr who just washes his face.

Genghis Jon: Unk?

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