Look out boys, we're goin' after satan!
Latest piece by got me thinking.
No small task.
Anyway, it got me thinking that I haven't been doing enough Dubya' bashing as I'm suppose to. So, here goes.
OK, as with Jonas, I got a little problem with G.W. over this Iraq business.
Sure, it's been awhile and Iraq is long overdue for it's routine bombing. But his reasoning that "he's evil" when asked why we're gonna' bomb him has me a bit concerned.
I mean, bomb Iraq. Bomb Iran, bomb North Korea. Bomb France for all I care! My biggest concern is that Dubya is gonna' run out of places to bomb and start looking to bomb the "Grandmaster of Evil" himself. Mr. Satan.
I can see it now.
"President Bush has ordered an all out attack on the center of the Earth where he believes The Price of Darkness and his gang of 'thugs' are hiding out."
"We have reason to believe that Mr. Satan is the real mastermind behind the Sept 11th tragedy." Spoke the president at a recent press conference announcing the latest military campaign.
"We also have intelligence that he's had a hand in every terrorist activity ever, EVER!"
Reaction from around the world was mixed. Most European nations, France and Germany in particular, spoke against any sort of regime change in Hell.
The Prime Minister of France, Jean-Pierre Raffarin had this to say. "Just because Mr Satan is the cause for every evil deed ever done in the history of mankind, that doesn't make him Adolph Hitler. Countless innocent residents of Hell including demons and fire breathing winged-maggots will lose there lives in result of this American Barbarism. We need to work with Satan through diplomacy starting with lifting the sanctions on Hell."
Prime Minister Schoder of Germany, who's country has had friendly relations with Hell since the 1930's echoed France's statements. "The notion that destroying the root of all human suffering by way of violence is absurd." The Prime Minister spoke outside his residence in Berlin. "We will continue to encourage the American government that the best way to combat a serious threat is to ignore it until it goes away!"
While most of the world's leaders shares like-minded opinions, England stood by America. "We must act steadfast against whatever America tells us to!" England's Prime Minister Tony Blair told a crowd of people. He then led in a chant of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" while pumping his fist in the air.
When pressed for a comment, Satan had this to say "Hey, I understand where America is coming from. Just like them- when there's a war anywhere in the world, I'm usually there." said the Dark Prince while chewing on the limb of an adulterer. "But" He says between bites "I don't want that shit in my backyard. That's not cool."
Asked if he was afraid of an attack by nuclear weapons, he spoke "Are you kidding me? I invented the nuclear bomb! I just don't want to be distracted from my work. I'm a very busy man. I got rock lyrics to influence and priests to tempt. Kinda' hard to do all that when some jackass is dropping nukes on you head!"
Jerry Falwell had this to say in regards to the impending military attack on Satan. "THIS IS GREAT!!" He said trying to contain himself. "THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME! GEEZUS FUCKING KRIST!"
When asked for a catchy little, sound-bite style catch phrase, the president offered "We're gonna' do one Hell of a job.....in Hell."
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