They got the dog.......
I'm feeling really "Genghis" today.
Every call I get from someone I work I deem an asshole, and talk to them like I'm the High School bitch.
I think I hung up on 5 people today.
Shit, I hang up on more people before 10:00AM, than most people do all day.
The three most common statements that spit out of my mouth the moment the phone hit's the receiver are
1)Asshole!!
2)Blowjob!!
and 3)Goatfucker!!
I can't help it.
You can only listen to the stupidest people this planet has ever sprouted for so long before your brain tries to shut itself down.
Fucking blowjob, goatfuckers!
You can blame my new found attitude to the holiday season after-effect.
Unlike most, I'm well aware of the affects that the holiday will bring upon me.
I prepare myself mentally maybe around August.
After 28 years of holiday seasons, I know the routine.
The family gets thrown together in a room, already stressed out by their own dealings with the holidays, and takes it out on everyone there.
It's like a verbal demolition derby.
I'm usually a major target, because I'm young, have a big mouth, and can't walk away from a fight.
Most of the BS revolves around politics.
My dad's side of the family have a bitter disdain for Catholics, and love to bring it up as much as possible.
I'm not really sure why. From what they say, is that us being French Protestants, our family were treated like garbage back in the old country.
Hey, how do you like that! I'm a victim of minority aggression! Bring out the affirmative action! Whoo-hoo!
Anyways, I don't think these goatfuckers know why they hate Catholics.
Mainly because most of them married Catholics (including my dad) and think it's just some sort of cute tradition.
My family has sick fucking traditions. My God, what I wouldn't give for a normal tradition like putting a certain ornament on the tree each year, or something.
No.
We have to gather together and make pope jokes.
I mean, the guy's older than Europe. Why would anybody want to pick on an old guy?
Well, that's just a morsel of my family life.
If life was accurate, I'd be a serial killer right now.
But what's REALLY troubling to me are the people that quit smoking around this time.
I know about 5 people that quit smoking in the last month.
I'm saving up my vacation time so I can visit them all in the hospital.
I mean really...
There are 12 months out of the year, and these folk decide NOW to quit smoking???
And the state isn't going to take away their license to drive a motor vehicle?
I don't know about anyone else, but when I've ever tried to quit smoking, I want blood.
I want to grind people's bones and use it for me bread.
So I keep on smoking for everybodies sake.
What else, oh did you hear??
Formmer president Clinton's dog, Buddy got hit by a car and died today.
Now I don't want to send anyone into a panic, but I think this could be the work of Osama bin ladin and his Al Qaida posse.
CNN has reported that the car that struck the former first dog had Afghanastan licease plates. Another suspicious clue that would sujects muslim extremist involvment, is that Buddy wasn't hit by a car at all. It was a camel, riden by a man screaming "Death to the infi-dog! Death to the infi-dog!!!!"
I'm not passing judgment though. It could all just be a coincident.
Comments?
