A little while ago I was offered a job at a big compnay. I decided not to take it when the company that laid me off begged me to come back.

I called big company and told them thanks for the offer, but I will not be working for them.

Everything seemed fine up until around the time that I was suppose to start the training with big company. I started to receive training materials, information about their compnay's benefits, insurance forms, ect. Everything except a paycheck.

The other day I received....a paycheck. Almost $700.

My first reaction of course was to cash the check, score some crack, get some hookers, finance a coup, buy a few thousand acres up in Montana and retire.

Then I thought, there's no way I'm not gonna' get caught if I cash this check. It's a ticket to jail is what it is.

Which sucks because it's made out to me. It has my name on it. If they're so stupid that they send checks to people who don't even work for them, is it really me that should be in jail? Come on now. If I don't cash this check how will they ever learn?

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I saw Carlo Santana maybe 10 or so years ago. I dunno', it was right after Jerry Garcia died.

I didn't know too much about him at the time, but I left the show thinking he's the biggest asswipe in the solar system.

He kept going on and on with all this hippie bullshit "People! We need to love each other. We are becoming one body of water. Right now we are steam, we need to become water, blah, blah, blah..."

You need to shut the fuck up and play the guitar.

It was then, maybe 10 years ago when I first learned what stupid shit comes out of this guy's mouth. But even I was surprised when I read this quote.

"I'm really embarrassed for this nation, and for MTV and VH1 and Rolling Stone, because it was a very racist thing not to acknowledge this most important musician when he (Elvin Jones) passed away. For them to play up Ozzy Osbourne and other corny-ass white people, but not Elvin, is demeaning and I'm really embarrassed to live in this country."

You know, my headbanging days have been long over, and I make no claims on having any real loyalty of my heavy metal roots.

With that said I'll be goddamned before I let Carlos fucking Santana call Ozzy 'corny'.

Did it ever occur to this guy that jazz musicians aren't that popular no matter what color they are? Does he really think that is this Elvin Jones guy had been white that we'd have a Ronald Reagan type funeral for the him?

And on top of calling this country racist, he refers to Ozzy as "corny-ass white people".

I don't know about you, but when I think of corny-ass white people I think of this....

Congratulation Carlos. Whether you like it or not, after doing this duet with Michelle Branch you have become an honorary corney-ass white person.

Now shut the fuck up, play your guitar, and go make records with other corny-ass white people who are responsible for reviving your career.

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