Fuck! I forgot to have a Chanukah entry!!

How are you people gonna' learn about this stuff if I don't tell you?

As some of you may or may not know, I was once engaged to a Jew.

This of course makes me the leading authority on Judaism.

And because I've remained a gentile, I view myself as the bridge between the two worlds.

Not unlike Dr. Doolittle, who played the role as ambassador between the animal and human worlds...

Such is mine between this hidden and exotic culture, and the rest of the world.

So put on one of those Yamaha things that cover bald spots on men..

...and journey with me into this strange and forbidden holiday we call....Chanukah.

First, let's begin with the origin. Chanukah is the festival of lights. Unlike Hash Shoshanana the Jews refrain from blowing a horn at this time.

What they don't refrain from is lighting the Manorah.

As you might have guessed, the Manorah is symbolic for the middle finger. What it translates to basically is "Vat' do ya got, a problem vit' dis'? Fuuuuuck you"

Other then that, the only difference between Christmas and Chanukah is that Chanukes (or Jews) know what they're getting under their Christmas tree on Chanukah morning.

And that's a Draidel

Draidels are what everybody gets as a gift, period. Every year Jewish parents will ask their kids "Vat vould you like fuh Chanukah, Ervin?"

The child will say "I want an X Box!" or "I want a computer!" And no matter what, they get a Draidel.

Here's a secret Jewish kids don't know. The Draidel thing is only a test. The presents they asked for are hidden away in the car. If the child seems grateful for the Draidel, they would be rewarded with the gifts they asked for.

But that never happens, so the toys get sold on eBay

Well, that's all you need to know about Chanukah.

To my Muslim readers, sorry I didn't get around to explaining Ramada. I'll do that soon.

And no, I wasn't engaged to a Muslim chick, making me an authority of Islam.

I'm an authority on Islam because I like Indian food.

Shallom.

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