Confessions
I want to take this moment to appologize to everyone I've ever done anything to, ever. Uncle Bob suggested once that I start taking the high road when in these positions, and I think he's got the right idea.
So, to everyone that I've hurt, I'm very, very sorry. And to those I haven't hurt, I'm just as sorry. No, I'm actually even more sorry. To those who weren't hurt, or even affected by this. I plan on burning a goat in your honor. And to the people that haven't read my diary, and don't know that I exist. I am deeply, truely, from the bottom of my heart, not worthy to live...sorry. And if there is a way to kill me, bring me back to life and then kill me again, I'd gladly submit. That's what I deserve.
Am I forgetting anyone? Oh, to the billions of people that past away before I was born, who wouldn't of even had the chance to meet me and be offended by me. I am extremely, unconditionaly sorry for all the pain I've caused.
Anyways, I understand that the first step towards my redemption is to come clean, so here I go.
Yes. It's true that America is out to get you. We eat babies. My fultile attemts to brainwash your superior minds have failed. So now that the gig's up, I mind as well confess.
It's also true that the world outside of the U.S. are made up of hugable-lovable sheep, and their tender-hearted leaders that have no desire except the goodwill to all man kind. But, since the Lord knows you can't make a good frappacinno without using the blood of an innocent child from a third world country, we've been forced to break away from the compassionate trend that bides the rest of the world togther.
I once said that Canada is safe because of the US and that was a downright lie! Somebody stated that Canada doesn't need protection, because it has no enemies. That's the bible-truth there sport. I knew it all along. You see, it doesn't take a genius to study a little history and see that a prosperous country, with a weak military is perfectly safe from any invasion from a regime that might want to take advantage of their good fortune by force. That has never happened once since the beginning of history, why would it happen now? It's not in parr with the civilized world that we live in.
Not only that, but it was also said that they are safe and sound because they are "isolated." Yesterday, sure I would have tried to convince you otherwise. But now that the gig is up, I'll come clean. First off, how would an invading army get to Canada to begin with? Swim? Huh, good luck! Sure, the Chinese army could TRY to swim over to Canada, but I would hardly think many would make it. And since we are centuries away any sort of mechanical bird that could actually carry people (in this case an invading army) through the air. I think it's certain to say that Canada is pretty damn safe without any sort of military. And how!
Now, the man who nailed me with these hard facts was English. Now there's a country that we could learn a lesson or two from about how to be humane. As much as I've tried to distort the truth before my revelation into the light, it truely is common fact that the England built it's empire by/and with their three great attributes. Love, compassion, and non-violence. It was like a whole country full of Ghandis. To prove this point, one needs to only look at the countries England collected to it's empire. The ones they aquired by asking politely if they'd mind terribley if they took them over, and were told "Of course not! Come right in!"
I mean you can't step foot in Ireland without the Irish people RAVING about how wonderful, and kind-hearted the English government has been to them. I mean, people pull you off the street and just start going "yap, yap, yap, England is soooo great, blah, blah, blah..."
And don't even get me started on Scotland. Geesh, I mean, here's a Scot. Ask him how much he loves England, just be sure you've got about 12 hours to spare, my friend. LOL ;) He once said to me "Jon, there's an old Scotish saying that my great, grandfather use to say. Look up the word 'selfless' in the dictionary, and you're gonna find a big ol' map of England."
People, I'm smacking myself in the face HARD while writing this. I deserve MUCH worse. I'm a horrible human being. America doesn't deserve to live amongst such fine, fine people as you. It's true, we eat babies, we bomb countries like we're playing an XBox, we look for the nicest people on earth, like the Iraqis, and make Starbucks drinks from their children's blood!
I thank all of you for opening my eyes to this. You are all such blessed, blessed people.
PS-GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
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