Now, most of us know the benefits of living in a big city. Alas the bight lights. The dreams of stardom. The sex with various people with the all too reality of never seeing them again. Am I making you hooorny? Oooops, sorry. Austin Powers jokes aren't funny anymore. Another point of living in the city. You're first to know about such cliches.
Sure you can't enjoy any of the above living in a place like Connecticut. I won't argue that. But what can a place such as this small New England state provide that a New York, or L.A. can not? Well I'll tell you....
- Local bands. You appreciate these fuckers more when that's all you got. Who really wants to see the fucking Strokes anyways? Let me give you an example of how it is here. My roommate's brother was over here the other day and wanted to see if the Beck/Flamming Lips tour was stopping by the Nutmeg State. I looked it up on the internet and saw this- "New York, Providence, Boston. " They'll be coming to Connecticut alright, but they'll be driving right through. Even Ringo Starr and his all Homo band won't pull the bus over in Connecticut. When this is how you're living, local bands are all you got. Even the really, really awful ones you'll get some sort of entertainment out of, even comedic if it were the case. (And it usually is) But the local heroes are indeed heroes. You love these bands more than your grandmother. Ringo can kiss my ass.
- Nature. In the summer I go swimming in private lakes and ponds, go for hikes in various trails, and around this time I'm enjoying the changing of the foliage from the numerous trees. Try taking a subway to do that, punk!
- Girls. When they're bored, they fuck.
- Being a big fish in a small pond is better than being a big fish in an ocean anyday.
- Our hookers weren't drawn to their profession by a drug addiction. They're just hooorny, baby.
- Four words. The Mark Twain House. You won't find it in Harlem.
OK, that last one was pretty pathetic. I better stop before I say something like "Not finding restaurants open after 10 keeps you trim." But before I go, here's some insider info to all my Big Apple readers, from your friend Genghis Jopn. The White Stripes are gonna be playing a secret-free show at Union Square Park this Tuesday at noon. It won't be announced until that morning on the Howard Stern show.
That's the truth, Ruth. Blow Meg a kiss for me.