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Genghis Jon Interviews Your Punk Ass! Episode X Featuring Cuppa Joe!!!!!

OK, next up I have Toronto's own, Cuppa Joe. Mr. Joe is a pillar of the Diaryland community. He's the creator of the popular, if not exclusive 12% beer site. He's also an evildoer that hates our freedom. Let's see what happens when I drop the I-Bomb on his ass!

Genghis Jon- First I want to wish you a happy "World Youth Day" seeing that you live at ground zero. I'm not catholic, so I was wondering how one would celebrate "World Youth Day" ?

Cuppa Joe- Well, I ain't too exactly sure. I mean, as far as I can tell, it involves the Pope flying around in a helicopter a lot, and blessing a bunch of people. Judging from the "World Youth" on the streets of Toronto last week, I would say they follow a mob mentality, and must buy matching World Youth paraphenalia, and sing on Transit. I also have it on good authourity that some of them were lighting up doobies on street corners and having 3-hour gropefests during the Papal Mass on Sunday. Oh, you think I'm joking, but I actually heard these stories. I also heard they were all Al Queda terrorists.

Genghis Jon- Would the pope approve of your 12% beer site?

Cuppa Joe- Well, I'm sure he'd bless the site itself, because it brings many different people together into an environment of peace, love and understanding. The BeerMates, on the otherhand, he'd probably damn to an donutless existence in Hell, where no matter what they did, their asses would burn with diarhea and red hot poker pain. They are some nasty bitches.

Genghis Jon- How pissed do you think Quebec is that the pope flew right over their Catholic stronghold, and landed in Toronto?

Cuppa Joe- Yeah Quebec can drink urine from a pinata, for all that I care. Who cares what the French think? Especially those who live in the U.S. and have Diaryland sites! They get first dibs on that urine, those filthy bastards.

Genghis Jon- Back to the 12% Beer site of yours. I don't need to ask that the inspiration for that is, because I know. It's little drunken monkeys. Joe. What the fuck is that all about?

Cuppa Joe- What are drunk monkeys about? Drunk Monkeys are all about taking over the world in a militaristic takeover of the world's supranational organizations. You know, like UNICEF, and GATT, and the Spice Girls. 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. Who gets to be a BeerMate? Whoever I want. It takes some hard drugs, typing diary entries with your toes, and an ability to make me laugh and cry and poop my pants on a consistent basis while reading. It also helps if you're a filthy, nasty, hot bitch. All the BeerMates are. Filthy and Nasty, oh yeah. That's what I like.

Genghis Jon- Which of these monkeys would you most like to take out for a few drinks?

Cuppa Joe- Oooh, definitely Monkey #3. Look at those sorrowful eyes, that ability to look good in a t-shirt with a Wookie on it, oh baby. Those are the characteristics of a good drinking buddy. Why you ask? 1) He'll buy you drinks because he's in desperate need of friends to talk about Star Wars with. I won't even have to "take him out". 2) A couple of brews in this guy and he'll start crying about how is father never loved him and he grew his hair long to rebel, and how he has to wear Depends because he's got a nasty habit of sticking Star Wars figures up his ass, and his sphincter muscle just doesn't clench anymore, you know? Compared to this guy, I would look like a "cool dude", and the sultry she-male bartender would give me drinks on the house. Yeah!

Genghis Jon- Give me your opinion on this.

Cuppa Joe- The best I can figure it. This coolio wrasslin' site says that salvation comes to the Jewish first, and then the Greeks, if there is any left for them. The rest of us can burn in hell. I suppose that if your Mother was Jewish, and your Father was Greek and you wrestle naked sheep in your spare time, then you've got it made. There's also a cool picture of lightning, which makes me giggle like I do when I sit on the dryer for awhile.

Genghis Jon- I hear you're having a heat wave up there in Toronto. What does that mean, in the 50's?

Cuppa Joe- Crap, if it was in the 50s, I could turn off the furnace and FINALLy take off this damn parka. Ooh, that would be heaven. Com'n 50! Com'n 50!

Genghis Jon- Do you live in an igloo?

Cuppa Joe- I was born in an igloo, but global warming made our snowmobile-garage collapse when I was 7, and my parents saved up enough money to buy a log cabin. I moved out of there when I was 19 and currently live in an ice-fishing hut.

Genghis Jon- I once played at The Bovine Sex Club in Toronto once. Ever been there? Where does Cuppa hang at?

Cuppa Joe- Like I would be caught dead at the Bovine Sex Club. Those cows are a bunch of sex-crazed hussies. Just walking by there I get hoofprints all over my ass, and once one of the cows went and stuck her udders all into my face. No, I hang at the Giraffe & Monkey CrossDressing Emporium. Ooh, it's Phreaky, baby.

Genghis Jon- Did the pope speak out against left-handed sinners?

Cuppa Joe- Yeah, I think he was really upset that they screw everyone right the hell up. If you sit next to them in school, or while eating lunch, you constantly have this stupid left-elbow all up in your business, and you just want to stab the damn thing with a fork. Of course, I'm just paraphrasing what the Pope said.

Genghis Jon- Why haven't you "Dared to Date" Joe?

Cuppa Joe- 1) That bitch has got a gun that holds only 5 bullets! 5 bullets! Oh, that's going to come in REAL handy if you're in a gunfight. The other guy has 6 bullets (like normal people), but you only have five. You're at a 17% disadvantage, and she should have thought of that. I can not tolerate people who don't think rationally about possible gunfights. 2) My "I want to screw a hooker" phase was a few years ago.

Genghis Jon- Whoever runs Toronto should run the planet. It's a very large city, and in kept cleaner then my fucking apartment. Who is this guy? I want names.

Cuppa Joe- The Mayor is named Mel Lastman. He's really short, really loud, and shoots his mouth off about everything. He's such a boob, he might as well stick a nipple on his forehead. And Bangladesh is cleaner than your apartment, bitch.

Genghis Jon- Why can't you Canadians keep your damn change out of our country?!?

Cuppa Joe- We love to piss you off. We may act all nice and polite and yankeeloving, but in reality, we giggle when we know you're annoyed at our change. It's the perfect infiltration device. It's small, it's everywhere, and it has weird animals and crap on it. That's a Caribou, bitch, not a Moose.

Genghis Jon- Who's your favorite past interview of mine, and why?

Cuppa Joe- LadeeLeroy. This is because it is the only one I had the patience to read all the way through. Damn these things are frickin' long. How much longer, Papa Smurf?

Genghis Jon- I hear you have a girlfriend. Say you caught her in bed with this guy.

How would you react?

Cuppa Joe- I would tell Tracy about his Depends situation. Then I would make lots of Chewbacca noises. That'll win her over. Oh yeah, she's my fiance. We're getting married in a Trailer Park.

Genghis Jon- In the nine interviews I've done, nobody was ever exceptionaly clever at their closing comments. Here's your chance Joe. You can do it!

Cuppa Joe- Well, finally. It's about time we reached the end of this charade, wouldn't you agree? And now you put this pressure on me (and you know how I feel about you putting pressure on me, sweetie...) to be clever and funny, and have really white teeth, and probably not have really stanky underwear on either. Well, guess what? I DO have really stanky underwear on. And you're just going to have to deal with it. Because I know you love it. Kiss-Kiss, you Cow-Sex Freak!

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