All we need is Drugs
I haven't been this sick since I mistook a glass of antifreeze for Gatorade.
(That's a long story.)
I've never taken three consecutive sick days off in a row in my like.
And I'm a sicko.
Anyways, heres' the tale.
I stayed home Wednesday and Thursday on death's door. I couldn't be more sick, man. Everytime I got out of bed and went for a walk somewhere, I got all lightheaded and dizzy.
As sick as I was, it still made me laugh.
I kept coughing up the oddest color, flem. It was like The Blob lived inside of me and was trying to get out piece by piece.
The plan was for me to shake this off in a couple days.
I did my part. Drank a half gallon of orange juice. Rested mostly. Cut down to a half pack of cigarettes.
I done followed momma's home remedy down to a science.
By Friday I had enough and went to the doctor. I hate the doctor, but what the fuck?
I hate the doctor because they're all assholes.
Lemme' just say this. Pound for pound, doctor's are WAY more responsible making people drug addicts. Just the people I know personally, the doctor's are ahead about 3-to-1.
I don't know what the recent trend is for these pusher type doctors, but it's becoming an epidemic. You can't go to a walk-in clinic with a cold without the doctor trying to put some heroin derivitive on you.
How do I know?
Because I went to a walk-in clinic with a cold, and all he wants to give me is fucking heroin!
Well, codeine actually. To-may-to, to-mah-to.
Anyways, here's the fucking kicker. I knew what I needed. Antibiotics. I've get this illness every year like clockwork. It's the same thing every year.
Doctor: Well, looks like you got an infection. I'll give you some antibiotics, take them for seven days. And, would you like some cough syrup with codeine?
Genghis Jon: No thanks. I should be all set with the antibiotics.
Doctor: Are you sure? How about some klonopin to help you sleep?
Genghis Jon: No, I'm all set with the antibiotics. Thanks.
Doctor: Well then, all this 'being sick' business must have made you pretty anxious. I'm gonna' write you a 'script for some Xanax and...
Genghis Jon: What? Anxious? No, no, no. I'm all set with the antibiotics, man. Just give me the antibiotics and I'll be on my way.
Doctor: Oh, c'mon duuuuude. Don't ruin the party? How 'bout I pull out this mirror and have you do a few lines?
Genghis Jon: WHAT PARTY? No, I don't want no coke! Just the antibiotics! That's all!
Doctor: Well how about I put on some Dead and get you a dobbie?
Genghis Jon: I'm fucking outta' here!
Doctor: (Throws himself in front of door.) WAIT! You're not leaving here until you at least sniff some glue with me!!!
Genghis Jon: (Pushes doctor aside) Outta' my way, doc!
Doctor: Stop! At least do some aresol hits!!!
It's like these doctors get a commission for getting people addicted to pharmaceutical drugs.
I knew one girl that went to the doctor for a checkup. While she was there she happened to mentioned that she's been having a little trouble sleeping lately due to her excessive caffeine intake.
The doctor insisted she take Klonopin.
Five years and 2 rehabs later, she still can't sleep with out it. Her body has gotten too use to the pills and she may never have normal sleeping habits again.
I hated the thought of her being in some shitty rehab too. She was a sweet girl. Not the rehab type, like me.
My father's another one hooked on all sorts of shit he won't even tell us.
I wrote a letter to his fucking doctor once and told him in no uncertain terms that in my understanding, putting a person with a history of dependency, and poor health including diabetes, and a heart condition; on multiple controlled substances, each designed for short term emotional treatment, for several years as if it was was fucking asprin was a not a possitive way to treat a patient, and that if anything were to happen to him because of his stupidity I'd sue the hair off his cock.
Wait, I got off track. So I went to the doctor's on Friday, and get this. He asks me if I'm coughing, I said very little. He asks if it keeps me up at night. I say no. He checks me out, tells me to hold off on the antibiotics for a few more days because and in the meantime perscribes me a cough syrup with codeine.
What the fuck? Did you fucking hear me? I don't want your drugs, you fucking doctor of dick!
I shoulda' shoved that cough syrup up his ass.
And now they got Sezzy too.
Does everyone know Scanzilla?
He's been making quite the impression on me guestbook lately.
Very talented writer as well. I'd go so far as to say if you love Genghis Jon, you'd probably like Scanzilla.
He's got some goofy, kinda' wacky, kinda'....
I don't what the fuck you'd call it.
His shit flies right over my head. I mean....not even on the radar.
I talked to him once on the IM and it went something like this...
Scanzilla: Genghis Jon, my evil robot army will stomp you to a bloody pulp!
Genghis Jon: Hi. Who's this?
Scanzilla: SILENCE MORTAL! Do you want to squizel my nizzel!
Genghis Jon: Squizel your what?
Scanzilla: NIZZEL! You pork fried, appolonious twedger.
Genghis Jon: Dude, I need a dictionary talking to you.
Scanzilla: A dictionary? Oooo. I haven't had a meal this day. Prey tell, Jon. How will this dictionary be prepared? Will you be serving roasted parakeet as well?
Genghis Jon: Ugh...who is this?
Scanzilla: And where might Lord Jon find an apple petite enough to fit in the darling little fowl's pecker?
Genghis Jon: Ok, I looked at your profile. This is Scanzilla. Hi Scanzilla.
Scanzilla: As a child I was usually found rolling in the spring meadows; legs in the air kicking as if to burn the anticipation of what I knew would soon be my feast of dictionary and parakeet.
Genghis Jon: So ugh, do you write much?
Scanzilla: SILENCE! I leave you now with these parting words. If you and I were walking a snowy mile, my friend. And if by chance we passed a patch of snow that was yellow in color, and warm in texture. Take heed that I'd have that snow meet your face!
Genghis Jon: Huh?
Scanzilla: Be sure of it!
Genghis Jon: Wait! Hello?
~Scanzilla is now offline