Lefty Moves To The Wrong Neighborhood
Have I ever told you how much I hate left handed people?
I wish someone would invent a punishment worse then death for these traitors to what is natural.
Here's a poem I wrote to help express my feelings...
I HATE YOU LEFT HANDED FAGGOT FUCK!!
I HOPE YOU ALL GET RAPED BY A 50 FOOT DUCK!
YOU CHOOSE TO BE LEFT HANDED, AND NOW YOU MUST DIE!
DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!
You're probably noticing that I'm kinda wound up.
Truth is, I hate an eventful night. What with the lynching and all.
You see me and my right handed brothers Willie and Earl were enjoying a few Papst Blue Ribbons on our porch with our right hands, when we noticed this feller moving in across the street.
We thought we'd be neighborly and wave hi. When the gentleman waved back with left hand, that's when me, Willie and Earl knew we needed to pay him a little visit.
So we go over there and explain to him what kind of neighborhood this is.
We are good right handed people, and hold strong our deep beliefs in right handed values.
We informed him that he and his left handed ways are not welcome here polluting the minds of our children, and asked if he would he mind dying?
After refusing our polite request for him to die, we were left with no choice but to pound on him, drag him through the streets, disembowel him, and hang him from a tree while the birds chewed his eyeballs.
As I explained to the po-lease, it was completely out of self-defense.
See, because he was a lefty, his actions were unpredictable. He could have pulled a gun or something, who knows? I feared for my life!!
They let me go with a warning. I love my neighborhood.