So, I recently learned that a good friend of mine named Jonas Cord has decided to hop back into the Diaryland community.

Because I expect great things out of this man, and also to keep with up with my apparent "interview guys only" strea.

I present to you, Mr. Cord....

Jonas Cord: Alright, I'm ready for your magic.

Genghis Jon: does this chic look 35 to you?

Jonas Cord: Holy crap...

Genghis Jon: 75 maybe

Jonas Cord: Holy crap...

Genghis Jon: Anyways, YES interview time!!!!

Jonas Cord: Yes, please, by all means, go ahead.

Genghis Jon: Ok, hey

Genghis Jon: I have to go outside and have a cigarette first

Jonas Cord: Go outside? WTF?

Genghis Jon: Yes, me and my roomaate both smoke, but we go outside to do that

Jonas Cord: Don't you live in New Britain? You couldn't stink up any building there anymore than it already does.

Genghis Jon: You don't understand that concept do you?

Genghis Jon: That's HARD-HITIN', BOOTY-SPLITTIN' New Britain!

Jonas Cord: What concept?

Jonas Cord: Too hard for my refined tastes, I'm afraid.

Genghis Jon: Nevermind, I'll be back in a second after I leave the house that I pay rent in, so I can stand outside like an animal

Genghis Jon: BRB

Genghis Jon: that means (be right back!)

Jonas Cord: Ok, crazy internet lingo man!

Genghis Jon: *giggle

Genghis Jon: lol

Jonas Cord: omg!

Jonas Cord: dhq!

Genghis Jon: what does DHQ mean?

Jonas Cord: You'll find out soon enough.

Jonas Cord: Next question.

Genghis Jon: Alright, so Jonas.

Jonas Cord: Jonathan, yes.

Genghis Jon: First off, forgive my slow tempo

Genghis Jon: I still type with one finger

Jonas Cord: Slow? The people at home believe this is happening all within a matter of seconds.

Jonas Cord: You're ruining the magic.

Genghis Jon: Jonas, it says here in your bio that I've known you for years, is that correct?

Genghis Jon: Good point.

Genghis Jon: Years, Jonas?

Jonas Cord: Many years.

Jonas Cord: That's what my publicist said.

Jonas Cord: In fact, I can remember back when you still had hair.

Genghis Jon: Ok, so my first question is -do you think you can just waltz in anD expect an interview from me when thousands of 13 year old Alabamite girls would give up Britney to be where you are?

Genghis Jon: Is that fair to them, Jonas?

Genghis Jon: I mean....you've written 2 entries in two years!!

Jonas Cord: It's not really fair in the strictly literal sense of the word, no.

Genghis Jon: Well, I guess this is over then?

Jonas Cord: Now, wait. I have a story about Britney Spears.

Jonas Cord: Does that help anything?

Genghis Jon: Story? I love stories!

Genghis Jon: As TV Zero would say....shoot!

Jonas Cord: Well, it was about a year ago and I was in London.

Genghis Jon: Ahhh.....Take me there Jonas! Look! I can see Big Ben!

Jonas Cord: I woke up at about 8pm with a bottle of gin and a giant cigarette hole burned into my bed.

Genghis Jon: Sounds like a typical Monday for you.

Jonas Cord: Horrible. It was all the staffs fault. I specifically told them to clean the fucking place up while I was passed out.

Genghis Jon: Limey bastards.

Jonas Cord: Yeah, they don't know the value of a dollar.

Genghis Jon: I'll say!

Jonas Cord: Anyhow, I call downstairs, ripped because I'm a fucking mess, and I'm leaving for a party in a few hours.

Jonas Cord: I have the French asshole working the phone run down the street to a boutique and buy me a new suit, as the one I'm wearing is ruined.

Genghis Jon: I hate those French pricks.

Jonas Cord: So, I head down to the bar in my boxers and get myself a drink.

Genghis Jon: Nice!

Jonas Cord: Anyhow, the suit shows up, it's fantastic. I put it on, I'm a little drunk, I'm ready to go to the party.

Jonas Cord: I don't remember what happened in between the bar, at the party and afterwards, but all I can tell you is that I fucked Britney Spears.

Genghis Jon: WOW! That's amazing! Holy crap! I thought she was a virgin!!

Jonas Cord: Well, I don't know about that exactly.

Genghis Jon: Wow, that N'Sync guy she's dating must be pissed at you?

Jonas Cord: News to me! I don't know what In Sync is.

Jonas Cord: Britney Spears is that girl who does the "Waiting for Tonight" song, right?

Genghis Jon: Ugh, no dude. That's J-Lo

Jonas Cord: Oh, my mistake. That's who I fucked.

Genghis Jon: So anyways, when your suit arrived, did you put your pants on in the bar? Or did you finish your drink first?

Jonas Cord: I did both at the same time, it's a well honed skill I possess.

Genghis Jon: Jonas, you're the only person on the planet that makes me want to end my 9 year dry spell. Let's get hammered some time! You and me, whuddya' say?

Jonas Cord: If you're going to fall off the wagon, by all means, I'd be honored to give you the push.

Genghis Jon: I just might take you up on that.

Genghis Jon: So, introduce yourself to my readers. Who the fuck are you? What can we expect from you?

Jonas Cord: What you can expect is top notch entertainment that entertains and titillates.

Genghis Jon: Really? Them pretty big words, fella'!

Jonas Cord: Big words on my site. Also, complete sentences. No multiple punctuation marks. I've spared no expense for this site.

Genghis Jon: Hmmm.....and who funds this site of yours? Did I see a Enron logo on the bottom of your page a little while ago?

Jonas Cord: Look, I didn't know anything about that. I resent that. They had a solid business plan, and experienced managers.

Jonas Cord: Enron was going to corner the market on selling Battlefield Earth related merchandise.

Jonas Cord: That had a lot of us really excited.

Genghis Jon: Ok, Jonas. There's no mistaken your status. You traveled the world. Made love to superstars that still claim they're virgins, I bet you're half-cocked with a broad on each arm as we speak! Anyways, you've hit the jackpot in life. You've conquered it. The question.........why have you set your sites on Diaryland as your next conquest?

Jonas Cord: There seems to be a nasty, inbred, cliquish vibe going on that I'm not a part of. I'm so there. Bring on the drama!

Genghis Jon: But Jonas, you've got some stiff competition here. Surely you've witness the greatness of, say....conservachic???

Jonas Cord: Tell me, Jon, who on Diaryland has a fat ass?

Genghis Jon: Whom on Diaryland has a fat ass? That's easy. FadeIn (Bill) He just quit smoking!

Genghis Jon: The fool!

Jonas Cord: Why the fuck did he do that?

Jonas Cord: God, Diaryland is filled with nothing but losers that I have contempt for.

Genghis Jon: What does 'contempt' mean?

Genghis Jon: I don't know, man! It's like, you know how you and I have a cigarette? Well, he doesn't do that!

Jonas Cord: It's like my father always said, "Get busy smoking, or get busy dying."

Genghis Jon: My father use to say "If I ever catch you not smoking, you'll be in big, BIG, trouble!"

Genghis Jon: You know how I see it, Jonas?

Jonas Cord: How do you see it, Jon?

Genghis Jon: It's like..........quiting smoking is easy. ANYONE can quit smoking.

Jonas Cord: Mmm... that's true.

Genghis Jon: But to look lung cancer in straight the eyes....and blow smoke in it! That my friend, takes a REAL man!

Jonas Cord: You sir, are an inspiration to the American youth!

Genghis Jon: I know.

Genghis Jon: Alright, let me ask you about your location. You live in NYC, correct?

Jonas Cord: Yeah, that's true.

Genghis Jon: Compare NYC to the great Mecca of the world, Hartford CT that you left behind. What made you leave? Hartford was making you party too much, and you needed a more low-key environment?

Jonas Cord: Exactly. I couldn't take the hustle and bustle any more, it was wearing down my nerves. Seriously, I'd go to Constitution Plaza and there would be a party that would last for like, three days, and afterwards I said to myself, this is no way to live!

Jonas Cord: I needed some quiet time to reflect on my life.

genghis_jon: Constitution Plaza is nuts! One time I saw Mr Rogers stumbling around at 5 AM with a hooker under each arm. That place will ruin a man.

Jonas Cord: It's a fucking Carnival in Rio 365 days a year! Champagne flows like water, it's living in Rome at its height!

Genghis Jon: Yeah, I hear that place is too wild for Davis Lee Roth. Well I'm glad you're getting a bit of the country life there in NYC.

Jonas Cord: It's such a relief - that is, when we're not being bombed and whatnot.

Genghis Jon: OK, next question

Genghis Jon: Go here

genghis_jon: http://match.com/search/searchprofile.asp?SID=A6842D26-FD57-43EA-ABDF-81023A3A4922&TrackingID=0&Theme=8&UserID=4A46444D45484F&RN=12714&POS=48&BH=Kate802&Handle=Kate802

Jonas Cord: Go where, now?

Genghis Jon: What line would you use to get this chic to go home with you?

Genghis Jon: If you can't open it, I'm gonna post a picture of a very sexy lady.

Jonas Cord: Sexy lady? This girl?

Genghis Jon: You no like?

Genghis Jon: The chic I'll post will be sexy.....trust me!

jonas_cord_2k: "I stand up when someone comes up to the table, I use the words �may I�, and I have excellent diction."

jonas_cord_2k: I'm told I have excellent diction as well, if you know what I mean.

Genghis Jon: A few girls have told me that's they've read "Jonas has GREAT diction" on the bathromm walls around NYC.

Jonas Cord: So, a hypothetical hot chick, what do I say? It's been so long since I've said anything, really.

Genghis Jon: I'm gonna put this up

Jonas Cord: Her head is a little boxy. You can do better than that.

Jonas Cord: Too frumpy, really Jon, if you want me to turn on the charm, I have to be inspired here.

Genghis Jon: OK....

Genghis Jon: One sec

Jonas Cord: NOW YOUR SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE, JON.

Genghis Jon: Ugh, huh....

Jonas Cord: I kid. Now seriously, Jon. I have to know. How do you attribute your success on Diaryland? I need to know what works and what doesn't. Fill me in.

Genghis Jon: Don't ask me. The more I try to get people not to like me, the more they fall in love with me. I can't figure these loons out.

genghis_jon: (Waves hi to the "Genghis Jon all 13 year old Alabamite Army")

Jonas Cord: Is this thing on?

Genghis Jon: Next question

Genghis Jon: Would you rather be a nipple or an ass?

Jonas Cord: Nipple, because if I'm really lucky, I might get to be inside of an ass, and it wouldn't happen the other way around.

Genghis Jon: WHAT????

Genghis Jon: NO, Man!

Genghis Jon: You're suppose to say ass

Genghis Jon: What's the matter with you?

Genghis Jon: You don't wanna be a nipple

Genghis Jon: I thought you read my diary?

Genghis Jon: Read this.

Genghis Jon: and this And this.

Jonas Cord: Okay, I'm reading.

Genghis Jon: I'm gonna have another cigarette

Jonas Cord: Ok.

Genghis Jon: Nipple

Jonas Cord: Diaryland is down. They are scared of me.

Genghis Jon: I don't blame them

Genghis Jon: Next question

Jonas Cord: Okay, shoot.

Jonas Cord: Go ahead, I'm on "high alert."

Genghis Jon: When George W Bush mentioned the "Axis of Evil" did a chill run down your spine?

Jonas Cord: A chill? No, but let me tell you something about this "Axis of Evil."

Genghis Jon: Speak up, my bruthah'!

Jonas Cord: This "Axis of Evil" has, as far as I can tell, nothing to do with anything related to a bunch of assholes flying planes into buildings. Am I right?

Genghis Jon: True-dat'

Jonas Cord: This is a "War on Terrorism," not a "War on annoying countries my dad never got around to bombing back to the stone age."

Genghis Jon: Plus, all those places already look like they get bombed every other Thursday. Threatening to bomb them, is like someone threatening to mess up my bedroom.

Genghis Jon: Damn I miss the Russians, now THERE was a fight, lemme tell ya....

Jonas Cord: Hey, look, I've got an idea.

Genghis Jon: Shoot!

Jonas Cord: If Iran and Iraq are both part of the Axis of Evil... we'll get them to fight each other again! They did that shit for like thirty years! They hate each other! Why should we fight both of them when they could just keep bombing the shit out of each other!

Jonas Cord: Oh, man, I'm calling Dick Cheney right now.

Genghis Jon: You know, I don't think Dubya' meant to say "Iran" I think he screwed up his words (like he's been known to do) and said "Iran" but then corrected to "Iraq"

Jonas Cord: I could have sworn he said "Iowa" too.

Genghis Jon: No, he said "I owe ya'" He was talking to the Supreme Court.

Jonas Cord: Yeah, I hear that he's showing his appreciation to them by not inviting them to that shithole ranch in Nowhere, Texas where he took Putin every time that poor pinko showed up here.

Genghis Jon: Can you imagine coming to America for the first time, and then being taken to fucking Texas? And not one of them cowboys down there hung the commie bastards. Bunch of pussies.

Genghis Jon: Guess what Jonas!

Jonas Cord: What?

Jonas Cord: Tell me.

Jonas Cord: Don't leave me hanging.

Genghis Jon: I've declared jihad against Angela Landsberry

Genghis Jon: and this time....it's personal.

Jonas Cord: This guy will probably help you in your righteous struggle...

Jonas Cord: He probably was banging her, look at this guy.

Genghis Jon: I think you're right. I heard she has a poison virgina.

Jonas Cord: That's what Peter O'Toole told me once. Poor man lost all his lymph nodes.

Jonas Cord: I feel sorry for Peter's "Old Tool"

Genghis Jon: Jonas, my readers are dying to know!

Jonas Cord: What, pray tell?

Genghis Jon: You just brought home the hottest supermodel in the world, or in your case, "El Flavor de la Week!" What do you say to get rid of her after you've had your way with the lady?

Jonas Cord: Get rid of her? Are you serious? They're usually so coked up you can tell her that Bulgari is giving away free gift bags on the fire escape, and bam! She's gone.

Genghis Jon: (stands and applauds)

Jonas Cord: Thank you.

Genghis Jon: Ok, I think we should rap this up. Jonas, as always, the pleasure is mine. Welcome to Diaryland, and is their anything you'd like to say to my readers before you go?

Jonas Cord: I'd just like to say to all the little people out there - keep your head up and leave me alone.

Genghis Jon: That was beautiful! Thanks for letting Genghis Jon "Interview Your Punk Ass!"

Jonas Cord: It's been a pleasure. The 13 year old girls are next, right?

Genghis Jon: They're banging down the door as we speak

Jonas Cord: Ok, I have to go before I make the joke you just set me up for. Good night!

Now, no need for Jonas to send me a picture, I have tons already.

Here's what the man looks like.

Oh, and TV Zero axed me to put another picture of him up.

What am I gonna' do, say no?

Fucking narcissist.

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