Krispie Kreme Komes to Konnecticut
I'm not kidding. People were sleeping outside days before they opened the joint. There were people who came down from all over New England, as well as over-zealous locals. Each suffering the harsh October evenings just to be one of the first in line. And for what? A Beatles reunion? A Cabbage Patch doll? Photo with Genghis Jon? No. A FUCKING DONUT!
Now I've had one of these before. It was OK. The ocean did not part. The sky did not open. It was OK.You can only get so excited about a glazed slab of lard.
Or so I thought.
A lady at work asked me if I ever got a chance, if I could pick up a dozen donuts for her daughter. This lady lives about 45 minutes away from the newly erected Krispy Krap, while I live a mere 5.
So Sunday afternoon I thought I'd go on down and see what all the fuss was about. It's been a couple of weeks since it opened so I wasn't expecting Woodstock. Yet, sadly, that's exactly what I got. It was Woodstock for fat people.
So I drive up near the promised land and see the saddest sight I've ever witnesses in my life.
The drive-thu to the place was (not exagerating here) one mile long. There were police EVERYWHERE. And not just eating donuts. Some were directing traffic, crowd control, that sort of thing.
I had to park about a half mile away. As I was walking up, I passed several jolly people walking back to their cars with like 6 dozen donuts. Each sporting the widest grins you've ever seen. I imagined they were thinking "Oh you little devils are in trouble. Just you wait until I get you suckers home. Oh boy, I'm gonna eat every last one of you." Then he mimick's a voice for the donuts "Oh noooo! Don't eat us! Pwease' don't eat us!"
Anyways, the line for donuts went out the building. They put up a tent so people wouldn't be waiting outside in the rain.
This again is for a donut.
So I get in line, and this old bag who think's she's clever cuts in front of me. I had thoughts about taking her cain and beating her to death with it. But then I realized that this right here was the sort of thing that ruins political careers. So I ignored the incident.
The line to the place was poorly organized. Everyone was all over the place. Which left opportunity for people who think they're more important than everyone else to cut a few spaces.
Now every community has there problem-folk. Be it, gang members, or drunkards. Here in Connecticut it's rich people. The place was loaded with 'em. Imagine waiting in line with 200 people who all think they're the most important person there. Listening to these people whine and complain, you'd think we were in line for the gas chamber.
So about an hour later I actually get inside the place. Behind glass, they show the donuts being made, and the people making them. It was very Willy Wonka-ish as you could imagine. Except, of course for the impatient bastards who were drooling, and pressing their slobbering faces up against the glass.
So when I finally get up to order, I become overwhelmed with the hysteria in the place, and the one dozen I intended to order when I first arrived didn't seem justified by the wait I just endured. So 1 dozen became 4. And NO they weren't all for me. I got some to bring to work.
At work they lasted about 5 seconds.
I'm thinking about selling the shit on eBay.