So now I�m going to Lamaze class.

I got so many problems with this I don�t know where to begin.

This was brought upon me one night when she asked me if I wanted to go with her or should she ask her female lesbian friend to go. I guess as opposed to her male lesbian friend. I should fix that, but I�m not�

Anyways I ain�t letting my wife go to Lamaze with someone else, of course I�ll go.

Before the day arrives I keep hearing about the times when she first went to lamze.

�Wait!� If you went to Lamaze before, why do you need to go again?�

�I�m going for you.�

�But I didn�t�..yes dear�

I swear I should keep my testicles in the freezer next to the placentas.

Anyways�Lamaze�me and a bunch of other guys who were just flabbergasted at spending 2 hours (she told me 1) a week watching videos of women having a baby.

I mean, nobody prepares a guy for what his participation is during labor.

Every guy that�s never had a kid is now saying �What participation� EXACTLY!

I thought all I had to do was give her a ride to the hospital and smoke cigarettes until they brought out my son. Why on Earth would I need a class to show me how to do that?

I mean, me and the other guys there were just floored at the shit we learned. For instance did you know you�re not supposed to have sex after her water breaks? I swear she told us that. Whatever, Libby breaks water, surfs up dude!

After like hour one I got bored and thought about how I could freak the instructor out and embarrass Libby, like say things such as �Man�if these bitches didn�t just pull out none of us would have to be here.�

But nothing I could have said would have topped the stoner kid there. He was a gem. I liked how the instructor brought out a pregnancy ball and he proceeded to play soccer with it.

But the best was when we were laying on the floor doing relaxation techniques. I�m doing my best Samuel L Jackson �Be cool, bitch�bitch be cool� when I look over at Stone Philips and he�s resting his elbow on his�.ladyfriend�s(?) shoulder.

The other women in the room batted their eyes and swooned in envy towards the Excalibur of men.

 So the whole thing wasn�t that bad. I learned that women can walk during labor. My understanding was they were lying down through the whole thing. No way, Jose, they can walk. This is good because I sure as hell ain�t carrying her.

I also leaned how nature makes you grow up. For instance (I�ll be delicate, I�m writing this at work) like most males from the age of 18 I was fixated on a certain anatomy part of females.

That ended last night. I�m cured.

I can finally be friends with women now.

previous - next