Letter I wrote to satan
I cannot get into my guestbook (at home or at work, mind you) yet other people can.
I know this because I keep getting emails telling me someone just signed the fucking thing.
This is obviously the work of the devil himself, so I'd like to address him now.
The rest of you can break out a game of Parcheesi.
You listen to me, Satan! I'm on to you. Not letting me see my guestbook entries while leaving it open to everyone else to sign. Very sneaky, I will admit that. You always were the cleaver one, weren't you? I'm not the threatening type Lu, so I'll just say this once-and only once.
Let me back in to my guestbook or I'm gonna turn my diary into "Genghis "Snappy" Jon's diary of bible stories.
Do you know how many disgruntled goth kids read my diary? No need to check I'll tell you. All of them! Every parent-hating teen on the planet reads my diary. It's ME, NOT YOU that keeps these kids angry at the world. And as a bonus I get them all hot and bothered for sex with a puppy! That wasn't even part of our agreement, but Mr. Nice-Guy that I am, I felt the need to go the extra mile for you.
Now that I see you feel the need to f- me over, I'm gonna do the same to you. I'f I'm not in by tomorrow, I'm gonna' start turning every kid reading this into a modern day saint. That's right. I'm gonna turn these kids back to the loving arms of their parents. They'll grow up to be gainfully employed, and pillars of their community. And yes, I know that's boring, that's why I got into business with you to begin with.
Think it can't be done? Call my bluff, punk! If I'm not back in 24 hours it's bible time, baby!!