PC's Are for Pea Brains
I have to say, I've been using a Macintosh for so long I forgot what it's like using a PC.
I was sadly reminded how much I was blessed yesterday when I was forced to spend the day on my girlfriend's inferior PC.
From what I'm told Windows users make up 95% of the personal computers out there. Which begs the question....why?
Do you freegin' people like things complicated? Do you enjoy paying all sorts of money for something that exceeds at malfunctioning regularly? I was thinking of this around the eighth time I had to restart the fucking thing. It was also the first time I called a machine a cocksucker.
Oh, and get this, just to double the misery I was also blessed with have AOL dialup and an ISP.
The Gateway Crapulator 3000 and the AOL had a unique ability to work together. Like when the computer would somehow work properly, the AOL would step in and knock me off line, giving me a message saying that it couldn't find the modem.
Just all of a sudden couldn't find the modem. "Hey, where'd that modem go?"
Besides high quality service, AOL also likes to fuck with you in different ways. I saw a button that read "Perks" and was curious, so I clicked on it to find a list of ways they contact you with spam, junkmail, and telemarketing calls that you can opt in or out of. Something my speedy cable internet provider at home doesn't offer it's costumers. They just can't be bothered with it. But that's the type of "above and beyond" commitment you come to expect from a company like AOL. No wonder they're the highest paid ISP out there.
If I don't smoke soon I'm afraid I'm gonna shove the computer in the truck of my car, take it to a field, and replay that famous scene from Officespace.
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Somebody tell this asshole to update.
The guy gets a girlfriend and all of a sudden he's too important to update. Fuck him. Fuck your Red Sox too, you Boston asshole!
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I had a dream about smoking last night. Which confirms the fact that I'm deeply going through withdrawls. That and I keep fucking swearing, and bursting out into obsenities for no reason. Sorry Dan, you're really not an asshole.
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But you are a cocksucker.
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Here's a few things I've learned about being a boyfriend. All you young kids, listen up. I wish someone let me know the rules when I was young.
A best demonstration I could think of how relationships work is what I call the ice cream law.
You see, when you're in your late twenties, or thirties, ice cream becomes one of your only sources of pleasure. When you were young, you'd have fun, get drunk, ect. Thirties? Ice cream. Those of who drink booze at my age like they did when they were 20 are what we call alcoholics, so if you're 30 and don't know relate to how important I'm making ice cream out to be, there's a good chance you need a rehab.
When it comes to ice cream, and you have a girlfriend, these are your rights....
1) When you buy ice cream, it's mostly hers even if she tells you otherwise. It's still technically yours just as long as you plan on doing with it whatever's OK with her. For instance, if you want to eat 75% of it and give her 25% that's OK as long as she only wanted 25% to begin with. If that's the deal then she'll tell you "it's your ice cream, you can do with it what you want"
If it turns out that she wants more than what you want to give her, you have to give her that portion because then it's hers too.
Are you following me? Here's where it gets tricky. If she wants ALL the ice cream, even though you bought it on your own, it's in her house, so it technically belongs to her.
If the ice cream is at YOUR house and she wants it all, she can have that too because you're suppose to share. Then she'll give you an example of that time when she let you eat 75% of the ice cream.
2) When she buys the ice cream, it's hers. Period. Don't even think about sneaking a bite because you'll be on the couch of days.
3) When you're shopping together and you both pick up the ice cream, again, it's mostly hers but there are ways to getting some out of her. For instance, taking out the garbage before ice cream time comes. Doing chores will grant you some of the ice cream to which you partially bought. I suggest trying to schedule the cooperative ice cream purchase during a time when chores are need to be done. If you find yourself coming home to a chore-free house, there's a chance you won't be getting any ice cream that evening.
And you do NOT want that happening. Follow Genghis Jon's laws and don't end up a statistic.
Good luck.
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