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Genghis Jon Interviews Your Punk (Diaryland Survivor 4) Ass! Episode 5, Featuring Magpie

The following is my exit interview with Magpie that I conduct for Diaryland Survivor 4

Genghis Jon- Hey now, Mags. After putting up that nice sign welcoming the Diaryland Survivor croud, they repay the effort by throwing you off the virtual island. What an ungrateful pack of slugs. What happened out there?

Magpie's Nest- Dirtbags, please, not slugs. Let's not debase the flexible, golden and deliberate mascot of my alma mater, Little Hippie U. Short answer: I took a calculated risk and it backfired. Long answer: July and Gingerbug were dead on with many thing that they said (in the contestants' blog and exit interview, respectively). I was really having fun with the ICs, and I got to do enough of them without feeling like I was voted off too soon. But it had started to hit the point where the social aspects were annoying me, and I think I got out before things really got ugly. So now I'm happy to stand back and watch the knives fly. I think there are probably some nice people in this contest, but at this point it's hard to tell who they actually are.

Genghis Jon- Hey, you wanna hear something funny? Your screenname is "Magpie" which is a bird. Those people in England call chicks, birds. You're a chick! Which means you're a bird, which is a "Magpie". And a "Magpie", which you are, IS a bird, and a bird is a chick! Anyways, my question is who did you vote off and why?

Magpie's Nest- First round, Heather. I loved her diary and am still reading it, but she seemed to have a lot going on in her life that was way more important, and she didn't seem too into the contest. I also helped vote Scud off, which I now feel a little bad about because he was such a trouper in chat the other night. Beyond that, I vo-- ooh, look, shiny! Uh, what was I saying again?

Genghis Jon- Help me clearify something. Do you suck 100,000,000,000,000x's less then Loudwoman, or just 100,000,000x's less?

Magpie's Nest- Until it was taken over by the feud with Gingerbug, I found Loudwoman's diary entertaining. The bit about glory holes was quite educational. While she's nuts, you have to respect the fact that you know precisely where you stand with her. Besides, she likes my diary, and as I've mentioned before, my one loyal reader is an, uh, student at Napa State. So the insane are an important part of my readership, and I don't wish to alienate them.

Genghis Jon- You're from San Francisco! Hey that's pretty cool. My friend told me about a bar he saw there called "The White Swallow." What's it like inside? What's with the name?

Magpie's Nest- I've been to the White Horse, which is a dive bar on Telegraph. One of my college friends' roommates worked part-time as a bouncer there for a summer. She was about 4'10" and her other job was at the Disney Store in that bastion of Bay Area suburbia, Walnut Creek. As for the White Swallow, I'm guessing they wouldn't let me in, though I'm sure there are any number of gentlemen there who would be happy to explain it to you.

Genghis Jon- Before I knew that Magpie was a bird, I thought you made a pie out of some girl named Maggie. I was about to lecture you on how wrong that is. Anyways, out of the remaining contestants, who would you make a pie out of, and why on God's Earth would you want to do that, you sicko.

Magpie's Nest- (singing) Meat pies, meat pies, savory and sweet pies... You know what's disturbing, besides this question? Those bird-shaped pie vents, where you poke the ass end of the bird through the crust and the steam from the baking pie goes through the bird's tiny porcelain body and pours out its beak. Those really creep me out. Who thought that was a good idea? Now if this were the judges, the choice would be obvious -- Sinnamon, because cinnamon is yummy in fruit pies. I guess Gingerbug, because ginger is good in pie too, and in some cultures they eat bugs. OK, I'm getting too literal here. Next question, please.

Genghis Jon- All this talk on pie has made me hungry. What's it like having boobs? Do you every stop in the middle of the street, look at them and be like "This Fucking ROCKS"? (Oh, I forgot. these questions are suppose to be about Diaryland Survivor 4. Try to answer the question in regards to the game. Thanks.)

Magpie's Nest- Boobs are fun, but there are too many of them on the island. The unboobed are vastly underrepresented in DS4, and on Diaryland as a whole -- especially the straight hottie unboobed. (I mean, Chrome may well be a hottie, but have we seen the proof, I ask you?)

Genghis Jon- If you were really on an island with these people, do you think you'd be faithful to your boyfriend? How long would it be before you got yourself some Chrome Magnum luvin'?

Magpie's Nest- He'd have to have a mighty tempting collection of shiny objects, and even then I'd be more about the looking than the touching. Besides having other points in his favor that I wasn't planning on sharing with all of Diaryland, TheBoy is actually proud of me when my work pager goes off at 3 AM. Ya can't beat that with a stick.

Genghis Jon- Pick one wish out of the three. A) Be able to dive into a large pile of gold, like Scrooge McDuck (Keep in mind this would kill your non-cartoon self) B) Grow an extra set of boobies (for a total of four boobies all together) C) Win Diaryland 4.

Magpie's Nest- I have way more boobage than I know what to do with, and DS4 is moot even if I did aspire to be this year's Richard Hatch, so I'll go with A -- it's shiny!

Genghis Jon- Now that you've been excused from the game, and have all this free time on your hands. Why not audition to be the new DJ for Run DMC? DJ Magpie Boobie-Fresh! Are ya diggin' it?

Magpie's Nest- I'm going to Disneyland! The boobs would probably get in the way of scratching, and I wouldn't be willing to go all Amazon and lop them off for the sake of my art. So I'm afraid a DJing career isn't in the cards for me. As for my free time, will call dibs on a huge chunk of it, as they always do. And the other day when I was on the computer writing an IC, TheBoy made big puppy eyes at me and said, "Come back! TheCat and I miss you!" So he'll get some too.

Genghis Jon- Did you know I was born in France!!!! I haven't mentioned that in awhile for some reason. Anways, who do you think is gonna' take this game and why? And why did my roommate leave the oven on all night? Is he stupid or something? And why are you always defending him, huh? What are you, his lawyer????? (Sorry, I'm losing it again. Just answer the question about Survivor)

Magpie's Nest- Whoever manages to stay in The Alliance without pissing off the other alliance members by doing things like leaving the oven on all night.

Genghis Jon- Sorry you lost, Magpie. The other contestants obviously hates boobies. What do you have to say to the remaining players still lurking about?

Magpie's Nest- Take everything everyone says with an enormous grain of salt. Keep in mind that just because you don't talk to someone doesn't mean they're necessarily hiding something from you, and just because you do talk to someone doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart, DS4wise or otherwise. And write your heart out on the ICs, because this is why you signed on in the first place.


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