Despite how much I enjoyed talking about little boys penis' it's time to change the subject.
Basically what I learned is that most of my female readers are ferociously against having a child circumcised probably to help ensure the unstoppable trend of universal female homosexuality.
Speaking of which I got married a few weeks ago. Here are just a few of the 87,000 pictures I've been sent.
From L to R: Mel, Thor(a), Mrs. Jonathan Carrier, Jonathan Carrier, Wolverine, Humpty Dumpty and assorted children we rented for the wedding.
This is my new father in law. Doesn't he look like one? If I saw him walking down the street I'd say "That guy looks like a father-in-law". Here he is trying to contain his euphoria at his daughter's selection of a husband.
Libby's sister Thora with some guy she just met. After this photo was taken I saw them walking into the woods with a bottle of vodka. Both learned their lessons about hooking up at family gatherings when it was revealed that they're cousins!
I felt like I was in some upper-class boy band. Here's me again with Wolverine, my brother Humpty-Dumpty, and my dad who wouldn't shut up about how much his tux rental cost.
When I first met her she use to always say that if she ever got married, which she wouldn't, she'd walk down the aisle to the a string quartet version of "Love Will Tear Us Apart". She swears she told me but the truth is I never heard anything about it again until seconds before she came out I was treated to the opening chords of this Joy Division classic done on a cello. If I knew she was gonna' do this I would of came out to Hulk Hogan's enterance song "I Am A Real American".
Thanks for ruining my wedding!
Here's us after Libby surrendered her last name to me like the slaves use to do back in the day. I later sold her for 20 bushels of apples and a half ton of fertilizer.
Because life is a Love Lottery, and Libby Cook you're now a TRILLIONAIRE!!!!
Things got really crazy after this gorilla showed up. He drank a little too much and started singing karaoke. I saw Thora making out with him later.
Here are some more kids we rented for the wedding. I wanted some Asians but they cost too much.
After consulting with medical books and various friends in the medical field, Libby was confident that she could safely consume 4 oz of alcohol without any damage to the baby. It was the first time I ever saw someone lick a champagne glass.
Uncle Timmy, Mel, and your author. Three members of the 'Hair Parted Down the Middle Club.'
Me and what's her name with Rev Dan, and Kadrel. Rev Dan was really cool for marrying us. I was a little embarressed when at the end of the ceramony he was like "By the power invested in me by the state of Connecticut, and WorldChruchOnline.com..."
In my family it is, how you say, tradition that the same knife you use to cut the cake at your wedding is the same knife you use to circumcise your son.
Libby got all hot after I told her that and so Itried to cool her off with some refreshing cake.
The cake was no good as she was still under the influence of that 4 oz of champagne and flew into a rage!!!
As my first act of being a step-father I decided to teach little Devin how to smoke. Or at least have him pose as if he were, sending a GREAT message. Now go play with that Joe Camel doll I bought you!
The funny thing about a Scion is even with balloons and whatnot it still doesn't look one iota more faggy.