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Mary from Best Buy

So I bought an iPod a few weeks ago. Because, you know...I wanna be different. I wanna' beat to the sound of my own drummer; take a walk on the wild side. Break free from the norm.

The thing that sucks though is that right after I bought the fucking thing they come out with the almighty "iPod Photo" for a mere $50 more!!!

The difference between the iPod and the iPod Photo is staggering. STAGGERING! First, the regular iPod's display is in black and white while the iPod Photo is in full fucking color.

And if that weren’t enough it will also display photos. You can even hook it up to a TV and bore the hell out of your friends.

So naturally I had to have it for no real reason at all.

Not to mention it will hold up to 7,500 songs and I probably own maybe 2,000 songs, and out of that I maybe listen to 50 on a regular basis.

So in reality I could have saved hundreds by buying a fucking walkman. But then I wouldn't have an iPod so that would defeat the whole purpose.

Anyways, off to the story.

Luckily Apple pulled this shit within thirty days of me making my purchase so I was pretty sure I could return it without any blood being shed.

So I wait in the return line at Best Buy, looking around the store wondering what the marketing idea is behind all the blue everywhere.

The people being helped in front of me are having a very easy time and seem to be very happy with their service.

When my turn comes up I smile and say hello to my new friend "Mary" who will no doubt expedite my request to exchange my iPod for store credit with haste and efficiency.

"Hello, I'd like to return this iPod"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Not a thing. I would just like to return it for store credit please."

"There's nothing wrong with it and you want to return it?

"You betcha'."

"I don't think you can do that."

"Sure I can, you have a 30 day return policy."

"I think it's 14 days."

I stare at her for a moment soaking in the irony of having the "30 Day Risk Free Return Policy" right above her fat head.

I nod to the sign above.

She turns around and looks at it as if I just pointed out the Holy Grail itself dangling over her head at Best Buy.

Despite the "law" being on my side Mary had already made her mind up that if I was going to return this iPod, it would be over her dead body.

After reading every word on their return policy and not finding a loophole she excused herself and scurried off to find a higher up to plead her case to.

I watched as she tried to get attention from a couple of guys who were wearing white shirts of all things! I knew something was about to go down now.

Problem for her, the white shirts were too busy doing real work to even acknowledges her. Either that or they were as sick of her as I was.

After a few moments of frantic, red-faced attempts of trying to gain a few seconds of their time, one finally broke down and listened to her.

The parts I overheard were "...wants to return....nothing wrong with iPod"

The said three word "Yes, of course." And went back to doing some real work.

This pissed the fuck out of Mary, you could feel it.

She walked back to me, looked at the floor and said "Sir, this isn't Rent-a-Center."

That's when I almost lost it. Five years ago I would of torn her a new on, and probably would have been escorted out the building. In my older years I learn is to play it cool until I get what I want, then send a letter to every employee who works above this fucking cow about what an atrocious employee she is.

"Rent-A-Center? What? You...."

I'm almost going blind with rage.

She continues "I'm gonna' need to speak with my manager."

She goes off and I'm still babbling "...what....you....rent-a-center..."

The manager comes over and Mary is visibly upset. She knows this is her last shot at saving her dignity. She tried lying about their return policy; she tried the guy with the white shirt. Nothing as of yet worked. If the store manager tells her she has to give me a refund she'll have no choice but to swallow her pride and give me the refund.

Wait! It's not even a refund! I didn't want my money back, all I wanted was a store credit, meaning the store isn't gonna' lose any money. Kinda' makes you wonder what we were fighting for?

So the manager comes over and Mary meets her before she could get within earshot of me.

Mary starts going on and on only to be cut off by her superior asking "Does he have a receipt? Then of course."

Mary comes walking back towards me and without saying a word just goes through the procedure to give me a gift receipt. I felt like telling her I changed my mind and want my money back, but why twist the knife, right?

The best part was she only refunded the iPod and not the $50 warranty that I paid for. So when she was done and I looked at my receipt I said "Sorry, you forgot the warranty" and she got even madder.

I walked out of the store wondering if I have the words "FUCK WITH ME" written on my head. What the hell was the point in all that? What possibly could she have gained from all that?

I better save the rest for the letter I'm gonna write corporate headquarters.

See, I gotta' invest in one of those camera phones that way I can take pictures of the assclowns when I know I'll be writing about them later.


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