My landlord has been trying to sell the house that I live in for about a year and a half now.

See, most houses these days are selling 10 minutes after they become listed. The one exception is when you're listing the house for about $$75,000 more than it's worth, and won't budge on the price.

What does my landlord care? If she sells it, she sells it. She has all the time in the world. No skin off her teeth.

I, on the other hand, have been living in what has become a museam. More people have been through my house then the McDonald's up the street.

I didn't mind so much at first, but lately I've been getting pretty fucking sick of it.

Half the time they don't even call to let me know they're coming. I'll just be sitting at home, watching TV or something, and I'll hear somebody fumbling with the lock.

Moments later a stupid looking realtor who's picture I've seen on countless billboards will come in, followed by a pair of young newlyweds. Each giving me a look like "what's he doing here"? To which i'll give a look saying "I fucking LIVE here, asshole" and go back to scratching my nuts.

Now I'm a reasonable person. I try to keep the place somewhat clean when people are coming. But after all this time, me and my roomie are just sick of it. We're guys after all. Our place isn't suppose to be clean.

So not only are we not cleaning, we're going out of our way to wreck the joint.

Dirty dishes? Check.

Unmade bad? Check.

Porn videos placed strategically around the place? Checkeroonie.

Oh, and how embarrassing, that time I forgot to flush. Ooops.

Now, this probably wouldn't be too smart of a thing to do. I mean, if some miracle happens, and some weirdo does put down the money for this place, they will end up my landlord. Well I just found out that my roommate is leaving, and that means I probably will too. So that leaves us with a lot of time to create new ways to ruin these people's home browsing experience.

And boy, is it ever fun. I love killing the hope for these fucking assholes. I feel like following them home and walking through their houses five times a day.

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Do actors have low self esteem or something? I mean, how fabulous do they have to make themselves out to beto feel OK about themselves?

Things running through my head as I watched the Oscars the other night. What a fucking stupid event.

So, you got people vying for best actor, each of which played different rolls.

And look who the award to.

Yeah, he's THEE BEST actor in the land. EVER! There is no better actor in any movie this year then Sean Penn. He's the absolute best.

Giving this dickface the Oscar means if someone you know comments on someone being a great actor, you have a liceanse to say that Sean Penn is a better actor, and they'll be forced not to puke on you.

How fucking retarded....

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Now, giving the best actress award to Charlize Theron is a totally differnt story. She more than deserved the Oscar.

I'd like to give her my own award if yaknowwhatImean....

Anyways, why she deserves this award so much is that she did something that nobody on planet Earth could ever imagine possible.

Do a movie with Chritina Ricci....

(Another person I'd like to nominate giving a special award to)...where the two play a lesbian couple, and you don't even fantasize being in the middle of it.

I'm sorry, but if she's capable of doing that, she deserves to win a Double-Oscar with Cheese. She's the best actress ever!

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Did I mention I need money? Quick, go here and see how you can help

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