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Pig's Feet Pie

Every year we have "Pie Day" at work.

Pie Day, as you could imagine, is a day when everybody brings in a pie. Well, not everybody. It's more like the people in my department bring in a pie, and everybody in the building eats our pies.

You wouldn't believe the nerve of these people here. This tradition started 2 years ago when we thought we'd have a little something for our department.

We set up a table, and put out our pies. At around noon we planned on hitting the table.

Sadly, we didn't get a chance.

See, one person thought that nobody would mind if she just had one slice of pie. So she took a slice and paraded it around the whole building. So then a few more people didn't see why the same rules didn't apply to them. So they got some, and advertized the table o' pie even more. You could almost hear the collective mumbling of "where'd you get that pie" echoing throughout the building.

So by 11:15, while we're all waiting patiently for noon to eat our pie, there was a line of people that stretched out to the Mexican border.

People in my department were going crazy. They were visibly flustered, popping from cubicle to cubicle, relating the wrongdoing that is being done to us as we speak.

No one in the department said anything to anyone in line. One mousey girl went up and said matter-of-factly "um, I think these pies are for us." Nobody paid attention to Minnie Mouse. They would trampled her if she was standing two more feet to the right.

Anyways, before long I had a group over by my desk. They were all saying "this is unbelievable" and "we have to do something!" They were aiming this at me. I felt like Sparticus. They knew that for once my big mouth might come in handy. Even the head of the department was egging me on. Some fat girl was crying "They're eating all our pie!" It was too much.

So I walked up and announced that "Hey, listen. This is a department event we're having. We brought in the pies for us. I'm sorry, but we don't have enough to share."

The people standing around eating pie kinda' looked at each other like "What are we gonna' do? Put them back?" and so the people at the pie table looked at the people eating pie for affirmation. Once that was confirmed, they went right back to helping themselves to pie.

In the meantime not one person left the line to go back to work.

I said a little firmer this time "Seriously, guys. This ain't cool. You've not been invited to join us." I then spoke to someone at the table who was clearly ignoring me, and just helping himself.

"Hey!" I said "Do you hear me? what's your problem?"

The guy took a bite of his pie, gave me a smile, and shrugged his shoulders. I wanted to punch the guy out. I wanted to punch him anyways because he works in IT. Anyways, while I'm fighting with him, people are walking around me to get pie.

I was seriously considering capitalizing on the premo opportunity for a pie fight.

Anyways, before long the president, and vice-president of the company were in line as well.

We had no choice, we had to admit defeat.

When noon came around the department was pieless.

The next year we tried to come up with a proactive solution. Sure, we thought about things like hiding the pies, ect. But that's pointless. They'd sniff 'em out.

What we decided to do was make "Pie Day" a company-wide event. Everybody that brings in a pie gets to participate.

If you're clever, you guessed that nobody brought in a pie, save for our department. Yet, as with last year, nobody had a problem eating what wasn't theirs.

So THIS year, we get a "suggestion" from a few people saying that it would be "fun" if this year WE (not they) all commit to baking our own pies.

First, what the fuck do I look like? Genghis F'ing Crocker?

And who the hell do they think they are telling us what kind of pie to make them?

Anyways, I came to the conclusion of what I'm baking.

Pig's Feet Pie

I'm not even kidding. I'm gonna' get a pie crust, 2 bottles of pig's feet, bake at 350 until brown, cool, and serve.

I'm gonna stick the fucking thing right in the middle of the table.

Think I'm lying? I'll have pictures.


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