Rollin' with Rolando Part (What's French for "four?")
Where was I?
Oh, the Vice Principal was moderating the debates. This was the same prick that belittled me in front of the school when I was running for president myself.
His name was Mr Shays. He's an old army dude that insisted upon being being addressed as "Sgt Shays" by the students when he first got hired.
The guy was a nutcase. He saw a fucking John Wayne movie when he was 10 and decided that's what he wanted to do for a living. Be John Wayne.
What he actually became was a colossal prick.
One of "Sgt Shays" favorite things to do was to humiliate kids who he thought were out of line in front of everybody. I don't know if he was a drill sergeant or what, but he sure had the roll down pretty well.
What he'd do was pull a victim during lunch. March him to the front of the room and begging to make an example of him.
It was total theater. He'd demand complete silence before he began.
Once he had everyone's attention, and the normal chaotic lunchroom changed into a place where you could hear a pin drop, Sgt Shays began.
He'd get right in the face of the poor bastard and start screaming. You wouldn't dare respond with anything other than "Yes sir!" or "No Sir!"
I've played the part of boot camp soldier more than once, and let me tell you it's no fun. The guy's asking you questions that there's no answer to.
"Do you think you're cute???? Do you think you're funny????"
How are you suppose to answer that? Do I think I'm cute? I don't think I'm bad. I mean, I have nice features. And I like to think of myself as a pretty funny guy. I don't see how that might infuriate someone. I mean, if he doesn't think I'm funny, he should just boo or something.
When he was done, he'd tell you to get out of his face, and meet him in his office. Once he got there, and he did this every time, he's scream "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY OFFICE? GET YOUR ASS TO CLASS!!!" You'd hear his voice fade as you hauled ass.
Things got a thousand times worse when the school board told him not to address himself as Sgt Shays. He'd have to be Mr Shays. A title he loathed, and would let you know everytime someone mistakenly addressed him as such.
So when he had to be called "Mr Shays" he'd get pissed. Even though that's what he insisted people start calling him. He'd also get pissed if you continued to call him "Sgt Shays." There was obviously no pleasing this guy. I was gonna' try calling him "Duke" but lacked the cojones.
So this was our moderator. You could just imagine how moderate he was capable of being.
Rolando turned into a pile of jelly around Shays. Shays didn't like Special Ed kids. He thought they were weak, and wouldn't get the job done out on the battlefield. He especially didn't like the fact that he couldn't yell at them, so anytime they walked by he'd just sneer.
So he starts the debates by greeting everyone. He begins with the nerd chick.
He asks her why she wants to be president, and does she think the fact that she's female would help her win.
This clearly caught her off guard, as she muttered out the best reply she could come up with through her visably offended state.
He then went on to the computer geek to which he only asked why he wanted to become president. Nothing in regard to gender in his case.
Computer Geek had a really irritating squeeky voice that made everyone squirm in their chairs. I don't recall what he said. I just remember him trying to say what he had to say while "Duke" kept screaming at him to "Speak up into the mic, son, SPEAK UP INTO THE MIC!!"
He then went to Seth, who despite the little "Speak up into the mic" fiasco seconds before, hasn't stopped grinning since he stepped foot on school property that morning.
Seth was the only one up on stage wearing a suit. Poles apart from the stoner, who was sporting ripped jeans and a concert t-shirt.
The VP barely got done with his question on why he decided to run for a second term, when Seth started doing his thing. He began telling us what an honor it was to be president, and listed everything he was able to accomplish and how he enjoyed it. As he was going into detail, he was throwing in these sly jokes that even I found myself laughing at.
He went on for about 10 minutes, as apposed to 10 seconds to the duo before him.
When he finished he, with palsy humor- saluted the Sarge, who in turn responded the same with enthusiasm. I felt my knees begin to shake as I knew that when these two assholes were done saluting each other, I'd be next.
So after that masterful dispay of getting on the good side of your moderator, the spotlight turns to us. Jon and Rolando of the Special Ed Party. We were standing up there scared as shit. I had my hair back in a pony tail, and Rolando was wearing a swaeter. This was our idea of dressing up. We were both trying to figure out how we got ourselves into this. Sarge was gonna' kill us!
"Next we have, ugh....."
He paused for a moment while he looked at his notes with disgust.
"Rolando" I corrected him.
He shot me back a look that could have tamed the wild west.
"Because Rolando is.....has special needs, he's going to get special help from his special friend..."
"Faggot!" Someone from the audience yelled, followed by an eruption of laughter that quickly died the moment Ol' Sarge turned around.
I even saw teachers giggling
"...by his special friend, Jon."
"Now before we start, I'm going to warn you right now, that any inappropriateness out of your mouth will not be tollerated. Understand me? Not one word. I'll throw your ass out of here so fast your head will spin. Got it? Don't mess with me!" He spoke with his finger pointed at me as if he were John Wayne holding a revovler, and I were some wild Injun'.
So, he obviously wasn't won over by my pulled back hair, or Rolando's sweater. I was out of tricks at this point.
He continued "Jon will be helping Ro-lan-do with his answers....ugh....I'm afraid I'm a little confused myself, what exactly is your purpose in all this?"
"I'm here to help get Rolando's message out in a clear manner. Rolando is a man of few words, but with a strong, powerful message. A message so strong that he literally needs help carrying it to the people."
"Yeeeeeah." He said sarcastically.
(To Be Continued...)