At last one of the mysteries of life has been answered.
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of
drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot
piece together your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to
this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.
The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to
the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since
the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch
of these magical devices.
The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a
certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a
pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone
and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger
and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.
It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second
question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'. Beer scooters
have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all
UDI (unexplained drinking injuries).
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third
question after a night out
'What happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT
moments in time) add on, that automatically allocates (for removal), in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one's
EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is
regained over a suitable period.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's
navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong
bedroom often with horrific consequences.
So pop a cold one kids, sit back and enjoy your next ride!