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have yourself a stressful fucking Christmas

Is it me or does everybody just turn into the biggest asshole during the holidays?

I'm fighting with about 98% of everyone I know.

I take that back, about 98% of poeple I know are fighting with ME!

ME OF ALL PEOPLE!

See, the holidays, as stressful as they may be, don't make me any more bitter simply because there's no more room for that.

The lot is full!

When I'm usually the bitchiest person in the room, I'm now finding myself hiding in the closet.

Here's two examples.

First, my friend I hung out with the other day was just so miserable, he didn't even know what to be miserable about! It was funny watching him come up with things like " wipe your feet before you come in my car!"

His car is a piece of shit by the way, but you get the idea.

Another example is my mom.

As I've mentioned before, she's slow at this whole internet thing.

Much to my dismay, she's learned the power of the mass email, and all the mischif she can send all at once.

Case in point:

The family dog passed away. We had her for 14 years. My dad was crushed. I've barley ever sen my dad cry, but he openly told me he was balling after he found her dead.

So, my dad, the attention monger that he is (much like his offspring) sends out a mass email announcing her death and how hard it's been on him.

Now, my mother is far from a malicious person. This was maybe the day after Christmas, the first while she was seperated from her husband who spent the day with his new girlfriend.

She flipped!

She replied to all and tore him a new asshole.

She was saying shit like "This is a crock....crock, crock, crock......you loved that dog more than your family.....you viewed her as a burden once you got Zeke (the german shepard)....you left Jason's (my brother) wedding early because you said you had Lyme disease......nobody believed you....it's about time everybody started telling this to your face instead of behind your back....."

And then she ends it with..."Happy holidays to all. And I hope you all have a honest New Year.

Now, keep in mind that this wasn't just sent to family. There were some of my brother's friends, and mine. Distant friends of the family, you name it.

I wrote back to mom saying...."Mom he didn't deserve that. You need to appologize to him. And embarrassing him in front of everybody he knows isn't helping your cause. Please stop."

You know what she writes back?

"How dare you write this crap to me.  He didn't even treat sammy good.  Once he got zeke, sammy was a burden.  You don't cry over something you mistreated. Don't write me.  I don't deserve crap from you either."

My mother uses the word "crap" when she's REALLY had it.

And I've really had it to. Between this, and the eternal mass email wars between the republicans in the family attacking not only the democrats, but us that aren't republicans about what they heard Bill Clinton did 8 years ago from the Rush Limbaugh show, and insisting that we answer to it, I decided I wasn't going to the family post-Christmas celebration.

Fuck it. I mind as well put on a yamukah and go to a Klan rally.

Anyways, that's where I am. Everybody is pissed for one reason or another.

So if anyone was questioning why I might spent time with heroin it's because she was the only person over the holidays that actually wanted to be with me. The only person who actually contacted me because she missed me.

But then Becca called too so I dropped heroin like a sack of dino-shit.

Just kidding.

It was more like a sack of cement.

Kidding again. heroin's a friend, but make's me feel like a satanist. I get a sense of evil around her. She likes me, and is my friend, but I get creeped out but her immorality. I know I sound like a pussy saying that, but that's just how I feel. I woulda' made a great catholic....oh, what shoulda' been!

Anyways, Christmas 2002 has taught me that I really need to think about starting my own family because the one I had up until know is growing away.

My brother just got married and wants as little to do with us as possible. Same with my dad, who's got his new toy.

Won't be long before my mom accepts a date from the many dudes that've been asking, so....

I'm gonna be 30 this year ya know? That's plenty of time to find a girl and give her the impression that you're not that big of an asshole...at least until you put a ring on her finger. (That's especially effective with catholics.) Have her pop out a couple of Genghlets and have my own miserable Christmas gatherings that I won't invite anyone to it. NOt even my wife and kids, Mwah, ha, ha!!!!!!

My family's motto: In the end, the crap you take, is equal to the crap you make.

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