Operation; Sorry 'Bout That
For those of you that missed the president's speech last night, it was FUCKING incredible!
You know, you're watching the thing thinking he's gonna' be saying some pretty predictable stuff, such as "This was a just war in Iraq, you soliders are heros" or "May God continue to bless America".
If anyone didn't watch the speech because that's what they thought they'd hear, you need to kick your own ass.
The president started his speech by congratulating the servicemen and women. Telling them they did and excellent job, and the country is proud of them.
What came next knocked me off my chair.
"We went into this war with the knowledge that Saddam Huessin had weapons of mass destruction. Now that we're here we can see that is not the case. Therefore, effective immediately, we will return Iraq back over to Saddam with our sincerest apologies."
The crew of the USS Abraham Lincoln, to whom he was addressing, went completely aghast.
He continued "We had credible evidence that Iraq was producing chemical, and biological weapons with the intent to use them against the United States. It turns out that our sources were incorrect. Our bad."
During his speech he paused for a moment to praise "the couragous United Nation countries who opposed our idiocy from the get-go" before hoisting up the French flag, and leading the crew in the French National Anthem.
The president went on to condem the actions of his supporters; particularly the military.
"Now, understand I'm not gonna' take full responsibility for this. This is as much your fault as it is mine. By not questioning the authority you answer to, you've allowed many innocent people to die. Your sheepish ways have led you to become cold blooded killers. Say hi to satan for me"
Amongst the screaming and chaos coming from the crowd, one soldier shouted "You're the commander in chief!!! We rely on you to make our decisions!!"
The president responded "Well then feel grateful I didn't decide that the entire military jump off the Brooklyn bridge!"
Groups of military personnel tried to rush the podium, only to be held back by the secret service.
Before exiting, the president gave some shocking news on what he planned on next.
"I'm gonna' go offer advisory positions to Susan Sarandon, and Michael Moore. I'm meeting them at the Dixie Chicks concert. It's gonna' be a busy day, I got a lot of apologizing to do. You guys try not to blow anything up on your way back home, OK?"
There was more, but I forget. I remember him saying something about joining the Green party, or saving the rain forrest or something....
There's this diary that I've been reading religiously (no pun intended) lately that I'm absolutley addicted to.
It's by far the most facinating stuff on Diaryland.
Normally I'd plug the fella', but because I fear some of you might be mean to him, I've decided against it.
Instaed, I'm going to leave some quotes by the writer in question.
Sadly he deleted all of his diary save for the first. But that's OK, because in that alone it's loaded with treasure.
"I believe the Antichrist has risen to power, the beast from the bottomless pit, and that he has control of all the world with his armies of fallen angels to deceive, tempt, and torment the people of earth."
"He rules the world through an underground network that has covered the face of the whole earth and taken over television, schools, governments, and churches. He controls all of the money through deception and sorcery, and every place of employment on earth teaches those who are aware of these things that they must blaspheme and lead others towards blasphemy if they want to keep their jobs and lives."
"I believe all of this is done through hidden forms of communication involving body language like hand gestures and such and through emphasis on particular words to which new meanings are attached (often more than one meaning for each word), and all the meanings attached concern spiritual things. This attaching of new meanings to words has two purposes:
To make it possible for evil men to communicate a message to someone while appearing to talk about something completely normal, so that there is no evidence of anything abnormal being said. This is how the beast has taken the kingdoms of the world.
To render it more difficult for a person to read the Bible without attaching the new meanings of those words."
"I believe most people on earth are worshipping the image of the beast by worshipping themselves and demons, calling themselves gods and loving lies, malice, and treating abominations, especially homosexuality, as a common thing."
"Before I became a Christian, I was a homosexual and I read tarot cards and studied the Kabala."
"There is a man who has a TV show in Ohio on a college free-speech station who snorts cocaine off of a woman's stomach called the Black Witch. And he drinks her menstrual blood ON TV."
"I often hear demons saying things to me or to each other around me, more in my thoughts than an audible voice, though many times, sounds say things as well. One time I was trying to sleep and the I heard one demon say to another in a very matter of fact honest voice, "I like his eyelids."