I'm not a very religious fellow, but when my mom asks me to go to church with her I go.
Sunday morning mom calls me up and asks if I'd like to go to church with her.
Such a darling request, isn't it? "Jonathan, would you make me the happiest mother on Earth accompanying me to church this morning?"
Like what am I gonna say? "No, fuck off. What have you done for ME lately. It's always about me doing something for you. Go drink blood by your lonesome, sicko!"
We went to the church where mom went to when she was younger. The name of the church was called Our Lady of The Immaculate Kitchen Floor.
No wait, that's where my brother got married, we went to St. Ann's Church. Lovely place to drink wine at nine in the morning.
So anyways, I promised my mother I wouldn't embarrasse her, but something came over me during the service that made me lose control. I was consumed with spiritual uplifting, it was a feeling unlike anything I have ever felt before. During each word spoken by that guy in the robe up front, I felt like a new man. A good, holy, complete man that felt like he has found what he was looking for his whole life.
Overcome with emotion, I rose from the pew and started screaming the name of the church!
People began to look over at me. I wanted them to start cheering along with me. They refused and that made me mad. I continued to scream but with my voice lowered and in an angry tone.
SAINT-ANN LOVES YOU ALL, HAIL SAINT-ANN!!!!!
People started freaking out. To calm them down I decided to put my fists in the air extending the pinky and index finger on both hand. This of course symbalizing the holy trinity, and Saint-Ann.
People started running and crying about the place. As they were running out I shouted my phone number at them but because they were running so fast I only got the first three digits out. 666..!!!! Then the next person would run by and I'd shout "IF YOU LOVE SAINT-ANN REMEMBER 666....."
Mom threw me in the car and drove me home. She said she was really disappointed in me. For what? I thought the point of going to Saint Ann's church was to give praise to Saint Ann?
People are such hypocrites. They're always trying to get you to go to church, and when you do they get mad at you for getting excited. Only Saint-Ann understands me.