In order for me to continue with this diary I think I need to make a few confessions.
As you've noticed, I haven't been as active writing in here as I use to be.
The reason for which happens to be because instead of the normal petty thoughts that usually occupy my head, such as who's a nipple, I've been focusing on nothing much more than a particular girl.
That in itself prevents me from producing here. I mean, what girl wants to be mentioned in the same diary where the theme seems to be revolved around toilet humor?
That right there should show the level of respect I have for this individual.
Keeping her likliness out of this journal of garbage is the highest honor I can bestow upon somebody.
And I still feel that way, so don't expect the big Genghis "Fuck the Rules" entry to come up.
But I will use this opportunity to talk about myself in regards to the situation.
See, I'm complicated. I've got more faults than I know what to do with.
The one good ray of hope about myself is that I could be motivated by people I feel so strongly for, rare as it may be, it's possible within me.
The hope I carried with me dictates that I'll find someone that will motivate me away from my natural selfish, and uncompassionate ways.
See, it's a big deal for me to get really inviolved with someone. A big, big deal.
As I've always known, and is being proven to me now, is that the bigger the high, the harder the fall. Therefore I'm quite careful as to who I allow myself to get emotionaly attached to.
I never spent to much time worrying about this qualm. As I stated before, once I meet the right one, I can be motivated to do some pretty extraordinary things.
But the question I'm asking myself today is what do you do when you try everything you know how to do and the person is still not happy?
I never calculated this. I figured me changing would be enough.
Maybe she doesn't know how much I've changed because she's never seen me another way?
Maybe it's not enough? Maybe she doesn't care???
I could have died when she ran out me last night, over my pleas of her not to.
I feel terrible.