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Tattoos

New rule, tattoos are no longer a symbol of individuality and rebelliousness. As a matter of fact I would be hard pressed to find anything more conforming, humdrum, and conservative. Probably the most uncreative thing a person could do in trying to express themself.

I came to this conclusion while noticing that EVERY female on the planet has a tattoo on the lower part of their back, right above their ass.

No, I didn’t say most. ALL. Every-single-female. Go ask your grandmother to turn around and lift up her shirt. Chances are she’ll have some tribal, barb-wire, flower thing. Maybe some stupid words too like “Wild Orchid”.

I guess the idea with tattoos is that if there are some things about you that new acquaintances haven’t noticed, or old one’s haven’t figured out yet, they can just read it on you.

Like the grandma who thinks she’s a Wild Orchid but nobody has noticed it in her character. Get some ink and all of a sudden she’s a new person. How do I know she’s a Wild Orchid, well, because you can just read it on her.

Have you ever been around somebody who just got a new tattoo? All of a sudden they turn into the most annoying piece of crap you’ve every met.

“Wanna’ see my tat?” as they’ll say as they’re unbuttoning, and lifting up clothing, showing a immodest side that you’ve never witnessed before in that person. Try asking said person to see their tit just out of the blue and you’ll get smacked. Have that same person get a tattoo and she’ll never put the fucking thing away.

And if by some chance you’re spending the day with that person you’re going to have to relive the scene over and over to every stranger that you come in contact with. “Look, I had my right breast tattooed to make it look like a Cyclops; the nipple is the eye, cool huh?

Yes, drawing on me was pretty cool when I was about 7. I was really into Spiderman and drew a picture of him on my hand.

The difference with that was the ink washed off my hand way before I grew out of Spiderman.

See, at the time I couldn’t imagine a time in my life when I wouldn’t want a sloppy looking Spiderman inked on to my hand forever. It was cool! Don’t I always want to be cool?

Looking back I think of all the times when having that would have made things awkward.

Girls wondering what the hell it is, stares when shaking hands with prospective employers, attempting to command dignity and respect from individuals while their eyes are affixed to Spidey waving around. I just don’t see it working.

And I know that most people are adults when they get these so they should know what they’re doing. Guess what, they don’t. The thing about tattoos is they have a shelf life of about 5 years. After that they start to fade.

People live to about 80, so let’s say you’re 20 when you get a tattoo. You have 5 years of it looking hot, and about 55 of it looking stupid. Such a deal.
Sorry kids but when Barbie gets a tattoo...

...it's time has past.

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