So Christmas night I get a call from one of my best friends. He asked me how I made out on gifts.

I told him that my girlfriend had given my the greatest gift of all. That he needs to sit down when he hears the news.

My friend, who only days ago received news that he'll be a father, concluded that I'll be joining him in fatherhood.

I felt a little silly saying "No, man, I got an iPod. Fuck's sake dude, keep that shit to yourself."

He then went on to tell me that I have to knock up the girl soon so that our kids can be around the same age, and grow up together. I said that if I was gonna' be a pharmacist is two months making a six figure salary like he is that I'd be a bit more warm to the idea. But right now I plan on giving all my attention to my new 10 GB iPod and raising it with all the love that I can.

"Have a kid with me Jon, so our children can play together!" What a girl.

Anyways, my Christmas was good. Not only did I celebrate Christmas, but it doubles as my girlfriends birthday. Can you believe that luck? The one day of the whole year everyone wishes they weren't born on, and her day of birth falls right on it. When I first started dating her I told her she should change her birthday to sometime in the summer. I knew a girl that did that. Her birthday was in January and she hated it there, so she changed it to July 15th. Didn't work out too well. Even when we celebrated July 15th as if it was her birthday, when the real day came around she'd whine that no one is wishing her a happy birthday.

My girlfriend hated the idea, so Christmas is also Virginiamas.

I got her an automatic car starter for her Jeep. I got her a few other gifts and told her to go to her car and get them. As she was walking towards the vehicle I started the car from my pocket. She totally flipped out. She had no idea what was going on. "What's happening with my Jeep? Jon, what's going on???"

We had a little problem with it that night. The guy who installed it showed me quickly how to use it. The way he showed me how to start it actually set it to be started every three hours. So every three hours on the nose, the fucking thing would start, she'd be screaming at me, and I'd be running around wiht the manual trying to figure out how to shut the fucking thing down.

What kind of feature is that? Who the fuck needs their car to start every three hours automatically?

It was stupid. We finally learned how to work it so don't worry about us.

I also stopped by my dad's house to a drunkfest. He was with his girlfriend, and the neighbors.

My dad got a bass after he retired and his favorite passtime is to (attempt) to play along with his favorite songs.

He's, er....not very good. So he hands me the bass and has me play all these songs that he puts on. Soon, I'm surrounded by a drunken party cheering me on while I play along to King Crimson, and Thin Lizzy.

That's what Christmas is all about.

I should also note, as something that has shocked me is that my brother bought a guitar.

Let me give you a little background story on why this is funny.

My brother went from playing football, to joining the army, to becoming a state cop. A natural progression if their ever was one.

Just recently he learns he's gonna' be a dad. Soon after he has a panic attack, and starts seeing a shirnk.

The shrink puts him on Zoloft, and the next thing you know he's playing guitar.

My brother has never done a drug in his life. Hasn't smoked pot once. The second he's on some mood altering drug, he's exploring his rock star fantasies at the age of 31.

He called me the other day to see if I could teach him some Eddie Van Halen.

It's a good time to get pulled over by this guy.

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