It's been a while since I told a story from the days of "Young Genghis Jon" and it's high time I did.

One thing I need to report before I get to that.

You know the old saying, like when people are having a bad day or whatever, you might hear them say "Well, at least Doogie Howser ain't doing caberet in drag!"

Here....I'm not even gonna' comment. Just look at the picture and I'll get to my story. No comments from me. Just take a look, give a moment for it to settle, then we'll move on....

OK, one little comment. Wouldn't it be cool if they made a new sitcom about Doogie Howser growing up to be a trasvestite/doctor?

Ok, just one more thing and we'll be on our way to Storyville. The Rev Al Sharpton said today he expects to be the next president of the United States. In light of that, I'd like to say that I expect to win a Pulitzer for this diary.

--------------------------------------------------

Alright, here's my story. I was about 18 at the time and dating this girl named Margaret. Margaret was actually the one that Christianed me "Genghis Jon." We dated for 3 years, which, at that age, and with my maturity level was a hell of an accomplishment. I still have her initials tatooed on my ankle. My one and only.

Anyways, Margaret's parents were very laid back, and was totally fine with me sleeping in her room. Liberal parents that gave their daughters the freedom to learn from their own mistakes were my best friend. The one stipulation was that we were not allowed to have sex. Back then, parents actually believed that two horny teenagers could sleep in the same bed overnight and not try every way possible to get it on. We would have found a way to get it on if her parents were in bed with us.

I understood the rule as "don't ask, don't tell." I mean, they couldn't possibly expect me to not have sex with his daughter! Not that I didn't respect him; but I was 18 years old, and she was a hot blonde. I couldn't do that if I wanted to. But honestly, I really thought he didn't mean it. I thought he just didn't want to know about it.

I was corrected on my assumption one Sunday afternoon when The Dad walked on some rather aggresive activities. He slammed the door and yelled from behind it "PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND COME DOWNSTAIRS NOW!!!!!"

Good thing he said the first part, because I would have just mossied on downstairs bare-ass naked.

Anyways, by the time I accepted that the escape was too high from her second story bedroom window, we went down and he was back into "cool, liberal dad" mode again. He basically told me that if he was his father, he'd have a shotgun to my head, and I'd be marrying his daughter three hours from now. He went on to say that "he's not cool" with what we we did, but he wouldn't revoke my sleepover privilges just as long as we promised not to do that again.

Margaret's dad was an attorney, and you'd think he'd know a liar when he saw one. But I sat there and looked into his eyes and promised him that I'd never have sex with his daughter, or anyone, else ever again. Not even for procreating purposes. If the day comes for me and her to have kids, it's test tube all the way.

I swore up and down, left and right, side to side, and back again that I'd never touch his daughter with a lustful hand under his roof again. I made it look like what just happened was an accident. He straight out asked me if we did this every time he left us alone, to which I said, visibley shocked "NO....oh God, no."

He felt a lot better after the talk. He even took a moment and said how much he liked me and thinks I'm good for his daughter.

He told us he has some errands to run, and asked if we wanted to come and have lunch with him. We told him we had plans to go out, but thanks.

As he was walking out, he gave a joking "behave" as if we were gonna go back to where we left off before we got the scare of our life. But I think he got from our 'still recovering from the trauma' look on our faces, that sex was the last thing on our minds.

So by the time her dad's car hit the end of the driveway, and before the garage door was completly closed, we were going at it in the den in the couch. We couldn't wait to get to her room, much less until we were married.

When we finished, I was paranoid about leaving any evidence. Getting rid of the condom was the biggest problem. I had an incident not long before when a flushed condom came back up the toilet hours later, blown up like a balloon, just begging to be discovered. It was like the gag left out of one of those 'American Pie' movies. Thank GOD I was the one that found it.

Anyways, to prevent that happening again I took the condom to the backyard and chucked it in the woods.

I was still inexperienced in the art of getting rid of a condom, but thought I did a fairly good job. Her folks have never been in those woods in their lives. You couldn't go 10 feet near there without one of them yelling "Don't go in the woods! You'll get poison ivy!"

Anyways, the day was getting better. Later, Maggie's grandparents came over and we had a BBQ on the back porch.

It was a warm summer evening. I was holding court with Maggie's parents, and grandparents, telling them a story about when I was a kid and I cracked the window of my dad's cop car with a sling shot.

Maggie was playing fetch with her dog, Cory. After 15 minutes or so, Maggie came to join the 'circle o' Jon' where all the action in that particular backyard seemed to be happening.

So as I was telling stories about my reckless youth, much as I am now, I noticed from behind my audience was Cory the family dog chewing on something. Cory was the type of dog that when he found something, whether it was a stick or a gum wrapper he brought it to you to play fetch with it.

Today it seemed Cory the family dog wanted to initiate a game of fetch with a recently used condom, saturated in my semen.

Before I had a chance to react, Grandma said "What's Cory chewing on?"

My heart almost exploded as Maggie's mom went to investigate. I watched as she opened the dog's mouth and yelled "IT'S A CONDOM!"

"You mean a rubber?" Asked grandpa? "There must be kids up to no good in the woods."

"What if they're still there????" Shouted grandma. "Jon, why don't you go and see if they're still there?"

"Um.....OK" I ran towards the woods with no intention of coming out, ever!

"Look out for poison ivy!" Her dad yelled.

As I was running towards the woods, I heard grandma getting all excited, and insisting that someone call the police.

I searched for the accomplices as long as I justifiably could. Maybe 20 minutes. I did think about splitting, but would of felt bad leaving Maggie there to take the heat by herself. I decided to just buck up and be a man, walk back to the house and explain my sex life to Maggies parents.

As I got in the house, surprisingly, the finger of suspicion hasn't turned to me and Margaret. They were still talking "I wonder who would do such a thing" and "Be sure all your windows are locked up at night with these sickos running around."

The grandparents were visibly shaken, grandma turned into a babbling loon, saying over and over again "Who?........who?"

After they left, Margaret's dad came to me and said "Jon, can I see you in my office please?"

Fuck.

I walk in and he looks at me with a stern look, and says "Pretty exciting day, huh?"

"Yeah"

"You know, I'll admit, when I first saw that condom I thought it was yours."

"Really, mine?"

"Yeah, but luckily before I opened my mouth on you, Maggie's mother explained to me how some of the neighbors have been finding the same thing in their yards."

"Ugh...really?"

"Yes. It seems some kids have been using these woods as a motel. I want you to do something for me, Jon. Make sure the doors and windows are locked when you're here alone with Margaret. And if you see anyone in the woods, I want you to call the police."

"Ugh...yeah, sure."

"Good boy, and Jon...I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I thought you might have betrayed my trust. You're certainly not as stupid as I treat you at times."

"Thanks, no problem, sir."

As I left his office, I passed Maggie's mom in the hallway.

She looked at me and mouthed "you-owe-me-boy."

previous - next