I get tons of emails requesting more inventions that I'm working on.
Don't know what I'm talking about?
Now, I don't blame you for loving my inventions. I am a genius. If I wasn't a genius, I'd want to hear what a genius was up to.
So for all you non-geniuses...here's what you'll be enjoying in the future...
- Wedding rings (for men) that will slightly poison the wearer when he gets an erection from looking at anybody else except his wife.
- Change Disneyland to Diaryland-land.
- Instead of "Hello" or "Hi" we'll say "foxicaugusedaftecham"
- Insist that Great Britain changes it's name to "Not Bad Britain."
- Everyone will have to turn their air conditioner on, and leave their doors open to combat global warming.
- A new martal art, where the primary technique is pinching.
- Because it makes sense that "you can't do the crime, if you're already doing the time" Everybody will get arrested.
- Have George W Bush say that he'll clean up the environment, only if Ralph Nader kisses a girl on the mouth on live television.
- Change the National Anthem to "Lady" by Kenny Rogers.
- Let's surprise that hot shot, David Copperfield on stage while he's getting sawed in half in a box. I'll take him out of the box and then saw him in half. Let's see how cool he is then.....
- It's utterly cruel, and just inhumane to use animals for scientific testing. That will be banned forever! Instaed we will use left handed people.
- The next location for Survivor will be in Harlem.
- A brand new car for $99!!!!! (Made from earwax)
- Ultimate fighting with senior citizens! The loser will get no Bingo for a year. Watch them tear each other apart.
- Cocaine that won't get you high, but will make you think you're Barry White for a few hours.
- A ray gun that will make lesbians want to experiment with you.
- The world will be flooded with whip cream about 4 feet high. This will allow us to not need to wear clothes anymore.
- Socks that smell even better the more you sweat in them!
OK, that's all you're gonna' get for now. Hope you enjoy the new "look" of my diary, with Johnny cash and all.
Word to your motha'!