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Aw man......why I gotta go dressing up like a NYC firefighter when I ain't one??? Huh???

So this weekend I was bored and thought I'd try something new.

I went down and bought myself a NYC firefighter uniform, just so I can walk around town and see what happens.

Now, ya'll know I'm a pretty big fan of attention. But my favorite kind of attention is the kind I get when I don't have to do anything for it. All I had to do is find where people congregate, go there, and sit back while people brought the attention my way.

Here's a few conversations I had...

One lady with two childre came up to me and said..

Lady- "Excuse me, are you a firefighter from NYC?

Genghis Jon - "Yeah, why? Is there a fire ma'am? Don't you worry, I'll save everybody!! Just show me where and....

Lady- "NO, NO, NO!!-There's no fire, I just wanted to ask you about your job. Were you there at the World Trade Center?

Genghis Jon- "Oh. Yes ma'am. I was there. Unfortunately I was only able to pull out 189 people before the towers fell."

Lady- "Oh my!!"

Genghis Jon- "Then after I fell off the 8th floor, the police refused to let me go back into the rubble to save more lives. Something about the fact that I broke every bone in my body.

Lady- "YOU POOR DEAR!!!"

Genghis Jon- "Aw shucks ma'am. I was just doing my job, you know? Well, maybe the bit about me fighting my way back into a massive pile of rubble while I was completely crippled wasn't excatly part of my job description, I still did it anyways."

Lady- "Sir, I want you to know that you're a hero! A real live hero!"

Genghis Jon- "Yeah, I know that! What do you think, I'm stupid?"

Lady- " I wish there was something I could do to say thanks."

Genghis Jon- "Sure, you got any money?"

Lady- "...Um..Did you say money?"

Genghis Jon- "Yeah, money. Got any?"

Lady- " Um....well, ugh....let me look in my $10 OK?"

Genghis Jon- "$10? Is that all I'm worth? Tell you what ma'am. Keep your money. You'll need it to buy some shame."

Lady- "Oh, dear! Sir, I'm so sorry!! Please come back! Can I write you a check? I feel so awful, please don't go...."

Genghis Jon- "Save it, nipple."

My next encounter was with a couple of macho guys.

Macho Guy #1- "Hey, yo! You a NYCFD? Yo, lemme' shake your hand man, I wanna shake a hero's hand.

Genghis Jon- "Thanks."

Macho guy #2- "Yo, he's right. You're a real FREGGIN' hero."

Genghis Jon- "Thank you, I appreciate that."

Macho Guy #1- "So, yo. How does it feel to be a FREGGIN' hero!"

Genghis Jon- "Aw, shucks guys. It's no big deal, really. It's only like the nation made a phone call, and, you know....I was by the phone at the time, so I answered the call."

Macho guy #2- "Aww, look at this guy! He's a hero and modest too, is he too fucking much or what?"

Macho Guy #1- "I love this man! I honestly love this man. So Mr. Hero, whudya' say I go get that Osama bin Ladin, and we can take turns beating the shit out of him? Sound like fun?"

Genghis Jon- "Why would I want to do that?"

Macho Guy #1- "Wha, you know. To teach the fucking prick a lesson not to mess with us."

Genghis Jon- "Naw, I think that Osama guy was just really misunderstood. I mean, he did have a point. The infidels we in the land of their prophet."

Macho guy #2- "The fuck's an infidel?"

Genghis Jon- "Not only that, everyone outside of America knows how cocky we are. I mean, when I saw the towers fall, it must of been the most horrific thing I ever saw. But I couldn't stop thinking 'yeah, this is pretty fair...'"

Macho Guy #1- "Say fucking what?"

Genghis Jon- "You know, we have troops in Saudi Arabia, they knock down a couple of our buildings. Kinda' Even-Steven, you know?

Macho Guy #1- "You're a sick motherfucker, you know that?"

Genghis Jon- "Oh yeah? Well what are you gonna' do about it? You gonna beat me up? I'm a NYC firefighter, which one of you dipshits is gonna' be caught hitting a NYC firefighter, huh? I dare you! I FUCKING DOUBLE-DOG DARE YOU!!!

Macho guy #2- "C'mon, let's get out of here before we hurt him."

Macho Guy #1- "Boy are you lucky you are who you are..."

Genghis Jon- "Yeah, you better walk away, bitch! You start talking smack with me again I'm gonna' have to fuck the two of you up! Fucking pussies, where you going? Huh? Bitches!

Yeah, I know this was fucked up. But ever since I saw the Paul McCartney tribute to New York. And saw how all the cops and firefighters got to do whatever they wanted, I figure if I got a uniform I could do it too.

Sorry, but it was too tempting....


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