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Alright, one more sentimental entry and then I'm done for the year.

My cell phone rand at about 4:30 yesterday. It was Lisa. If she didn't call me by 5:30, the time I get out of work, I would have written her off. Yet, at the last minute she comes through.

We make plans for around 8:00. She was gonna have dinner with her folks and then give me a call when she was done. This right here is something that would of annoyed me to no end when we were dating. I would of said "OK, so I guess I'll just wander the globe until you see fit to summon me. I assume you think I have nothing better to do then wait obediently for you?"

Yes, the world really did revolve around me like that. This time though, I told her that I'd be waiting at Borders, and to call my cell when she was ready. I am the Michael Jordan of maturity.

Anyways, I head to the cafe. Order the usual Border's brew. Overpriced and raspy as always. I grab the latest editions of Bass Player magazine and MacAddict, and take a seat. I saw a woman there that made me wish I hadn't deleted the spam email I got titled "hypnotize women into bed!"

7:57, my cell rings. "Lisa, my good bird" I answer "what's kickin', chicken?" (Whenever I'm nervous, I turn into Steve Martin.)

I take the call outside where three more folk are having cellular coonversations. It was at that moment that I realize what an idiot I look like.

"Hi Jon, what's shaking?" (My knees!)

As I was talking to her, I noticed two teenage girls on the inside pointing and whispering in my diretion. Soon enough, they took their show outside near where I was. Daring each other to talk to me. Luckily, they never did.

I told Lisa that we were invited to go over my friend (who she was friend's with when we were together) John's house for dinner. But he never called. If blowing people off was an olympic event, John would take the gold year after year. She said whatever. She'll meet me at Borders in a few minutes.

I went back to my seat and tried to strategically position myself in a pose that would make me appear most desirable. Got rid of the magazines in exchange for Steven Hawkin's "A Brief History of Time."

I realized what an idiot I've become, and surrendered all my tactics save for the Hawkins book.

Anyways, after 20 minutes of reading the most uninteresting book in my life, I look up maybe one inche from the top of the page...and see her for the first time in years.

She was in the travel section. Her hair was longer, but other than that she was exactly the same. Lisa would always make me laugh at women's cosmetic rituals. Here she was, wearing $22.73 worth of clothing, staight/plain hair, no makeup whatsoever.....and was just drop-dead gorgeous! (That, of course is my opinion. She does an awful lot like me.

I was hoping that she would walk over to me in the cafe, but she headed toward the music section. I got up and strolled followed 10 seconds behind her.

As I entered the music area, she turned around and saw me. We exchanged smiles, gave each other a hug. Hugging Lisa makes you feel like The Hulk. She weighs about 97 lbs. I wanted to pick her up and throw her for no other reason other than I could.

We small talked, I told her that John was gonna come down with his fiance Terri to go out to eat with us. She said that was cool, and we started walking over to put my Steven Hawkins book back, which she didn't even take note of.

When we got to the science section, a monterous wench ran over to greet Lisa. It was Kelly Jo. (Or 'Smelly Ho' as she was known back in the day.) I use to work with Kelly when I was at Borders. She no longer works there, but just happened to be there at that moment. Kelly is one of those people that'll just drive you fucking insane after talking to her for 3 seconds. She's the type of person that laughs out loud at her own words. She was absiolutely vile, and always rude. She had a crush on me, like everybody else, and I never gave her the time of day. Shit, I thought I was being polite no barfing on her. Anyways, she's a very scholarly bitch, so when she felt rejected, she would combat the source with snobbery, and false intellectualism.

So she's talking to Lisa, saying something, laughing loudly at what she said, saying something else, laughing at THAT....We were just kinda looking at her.

One of the first things she asks "so are you two....?" We both reply "No, no...." She gives Lisa a smile and says "Phew.." (Laughs loudly again) Now, I really needed to be on my best behavior, but I couldn't. Lisa continues to watch Kelly babble, when I turn to the mousey little emo kid Kel was with and start talking to him. "So, huh...Did Kelly ever tell you about the time she got suspended from work for two days for grabbing my ass?"

"" he said with a nervous smile.

"Remember that Kel? You kept asking me out and I kept saying no, then you grabbed my ass and I cried sexual harassment to get you fired."

She just stood their and sneared. God she's fucking ugly. She looks like God put a fish head on a girl's body, with red hair. "Fish Thing" was another favorite nickname of mine.

Anyways, FT grabbed her emo-dude and left before I mentioned the time that she fucked two of her professors at the same time.

And she wonders why she looks like a fish.

Anyways, Lisa quipped "Well, that went well, Jon." So much for showing off how much I've matured. I laughed and said that whatever fisherman caught her should of thrown her back! She laughed and I hurried for the door to have a cigarette.

Outside John and Terri were walking toward the door.

John and Terri started going out right before me and Lisa broke up. When terri entered the picture, it was me and Lisa that were engaged. John and Terri were pretty much strangers. Now it was them that were engaged, and me and Lisa as almost strangers. Some things just don't work out the way you plan them, do they?

They do the ritual..."Hey, nice to see you, how you been? Blah, blah, blah......"

Anyways, we have dinner and everything is very....normal. I find myself having small chat such as "so what do you eat?" with someone that has had my cock in her ass on numerous occations. I can't help but think of the irony.

The dinner ends and I walk her to her car that's parked outside of Borders where we met and fell in love, and broke up terribley. Now this scared bookstore will be the place we're we faced each other for the last time and layed the puppy to rest. It started rain just like the day when she broke up with me. A hard rain, protruded by violent thunder and lightning.

As I was walking to her car I was thinking "carpe diem." My father has a book on romantic French verses, and I saw one passage that read "you always return to your first love."

Is that true? Will I always return to her? And if so, shouldn't I try to do something now while she's here in the flesh?

I thought about grabbing her by the arm and turning her around. The rain would be pouring on us like we were under a waterwall. I'd stare into her eyes with that look that I perfected when I became interested in girls, and see if she knew what I was thinking. She would know what I was thinking. She would try to play it off like a joke and laugh. I'd still be looking at her with that 'romatic guy in the rain' thing that I had going on. I'd reach up and touch the side of her face. "Jon, no, we shouldn't" she'd say. "I don't care." I'd reply. "Jon....I have a boyfriend." She'd shoot back. "Lisa!" I'd say, and pause "I am your boyfriend." I'd say as I braveley leaned in to kiss her.

And everything that was "smart" or "right" or "mature" or whatever was lost again, as we moved back in time several years to where we were madly in love without any sense. Every piece of the life that we've built for ourselves sinse the day we broke up have vanished. I had her up against her Jeep Cherokee, her hands on the back of my head, my knee between her legs, her franticly kissing me as if I died that horrible day several years ago, and walked out of the grave after 5 years. She lured me into the automobile where I was thrown on the backseat, she montioned me to lay still while she undressed. First her shirt and her bra, then her she's doing this I shuddered to think that all I was about to do was say goodnight. Now we'll be together forever. She'll break up with her boyfriend and tell me I have to move with her to some small town in up state New York where she was gonna' go to with her other boyfriend. I'll relent at first, but give in. I'll drop out of school and get a job doing something that I don't really enjoy, but will get enough money to keep us going until Lisa finishes her masters. Later, I'll become more and more spiteful for living in such a small town that I'll start screaming at her more. We'll have kids, and Lisa will be drinking to escape from the stress of the kids. Which in turn will get me more stressed and angier at her drinking. The kids will be yelling non-stop. They grow up resenting us for being too wound up in our selves, instead of being there for them. When the kids are teenagers, I'll leave them for a girl I met on the internet. I'll tell them that I'm sorry, but it's better for everybody if I left. The kids will be angry and beg me not to go. Lisa will cry and blame herself. I'll be too numb to care anymore.

Thank God I just hugged her and said goodbye.


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