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Top 6 Things That Annoy Me

6) Speaker Phone. How godamn hard is it to pick up a phone and hold it to your ear? Was this technology really necessary? Couldn't these same engineers who created speaker phone been busy creating something really usefull like cats that don't shit? The worst part about being put on speaker phone is that while you struggle to hear the fucking asshole that called you, they get to hear you nice and clear because chances are you are not also on speaker phone.

5) Not using a blinker. I guess that the same person who's too lazy to hold a phone up to their ear also conserves energy by not using a blinker. Sure, I mean sometimes you're not even close to another car so why use one? Me, I like to use it just to show I'm not retarded.

4) That fucking old person they prop up in front of WalMart. I mean, what a way to ruin your day? It's not like you feel guilty enough shopping at a place that sells stuff built by 4 year olds. You also have to be greeted by a 90 year old decked in a bright blue vest with a smily face, almost mockingly, who was probably a war hero that saved us from the Nazis 60 years ago, now making $4.73 an hour which is just enough to afford Wal Mart dog food to live on.

3) Bill O'Reilly. I'm afraid when I get cable again I'm gonna' get tempted to watch this assclown. I remember watching his show and just going off somewhere trying to sort out all the fucking bullshit this man speaks. It was maddening. It's nice to know that my Sen. Dodd can hold his own up to his loudness.

2) That moron from Good Charlette that knocked up Nicole Ritchie. Talk about fuck-ups. I saw an interview with the expecting couple and it's clear this guy has no idea what he's in for. It's hard enough raising a kid when the dad and mom are both realtively sane. But when Nicole Ritchie is the mother of your child the possibilities for reaching new bounds of craziniess are endless. For insance bringing a newborn to a club. I can easily see her doing this, and to his credit I can see Good Charlotte Dude finding the fault in doing so. He was saying during the interview how, even though she just got ANOTHER DWI, he believes her when she says she's gonna' straighten out because of the kid. Yeah...that's gonna' happen. Good luck, asshole.

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1) And the number one all-time thing that annoys me more than anything else on the planet is people who park in handicap spaces. I mean people that aren't handicapped who park there, I have no issue with handicapped people parking in those spaces.

This all started for me when I worked at Borders. I was outside smoking and I noticed a guy driving a van looking for handicap space. It was raining and the three spaces the store had were occupied. Not one of them has a handicap sticker. What's worse is that they were all luxery cars. One was a Lexus, another was a Mercedes...

The guy in the van gave up and had to park on the other end of the parking lot. I watched as he carefully got out and into his wheelchair. As he made his way to the store a car drove by fast and splashed him...some kids laughed. When he approched the store I asked what I could do, like move his van to a handicap spot once someone leaves so he won't have to go through the same shit when he gets out and he just dissmed me saying "don't worry about it, happens all the time."

After that I relayed the story to one of the managers who paged the store basically saying move your cars or they'll be towed. I waited outside and when the drivers came I just told them what happened. I wasn't yelling at them I just wanted them to know a guy in a wheelchair had to park a quarter mile away and they should park here again.

Not one of them gave a shit. One lady even said "It's raining, what do you expect me to do?"

So yes, nothing annoys me more than this. Not even Bill O'Reilly.

For me, I think handicap spaces should be assigned some hulking attendant. Someone who will either make sure you're handicapped, or fix it for you.


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