You Don't Know Dick About Circumcisions
(First, appologies for being so graphic but this is an issue I feel most strongly about and feel the need to explore in detail situations that my son may face. Also I want to warn that I enjoy the title I can up for this entry so much I reserve the right to repeat it several times over throughout.)
Ok, so instead of the wedding or soccer crap I gotta write about circumcision, everyone's favorite topic.
My wife and her sister. Separately very nice people, but when they combine their strengths against someone they turn into this giant bulldozer-monster that stops at nothing to squash you like a little bug
So when we heard that we're having a boy I said something about him being circumcised.
In about 2.4 seconds she's on the phone moaning to her sister about it. Moaning to EVERYONE she can get on the phone. She even got her sons asking me "why are you gonna' chop off the baby's weiner?"
Anyways, they've been hitting me left and right about the AMA, and this group, and that group, and the Sci-Fi channel all in agreement that circumcision has no medical benefits whatsoever.
I don't know where to begin honestly for the reasons for circumcision are many. I wanted to say "Because we live in America and that's what we do here" but I don't think I'd win that one.
The funny thing is that when choosing a name for the child we paid extra special attention not to choose something that would get him picked on at school.
Even if it was something we both really liked, we'd turn it down if there was even a chance he'd get made fun of for it.
Therefor one would wonder why we'd send him to the boys locker room with a dick looking freakishly different than everyone elses. Oh, I suppose he can calmly explain to everyone as they run away screaming that the American Medical Association has conducted several studies on the issue and blah, blah blar, blab, blah....
I'm sorry, but a woman has no right to decide whether her son is circumcised anymore than I have a right to decide what brand tampon my daughter uses. Women don't know dick about circumcisions.
If there's anything you don't want unique about you it's your dick. It's not fun warning your potential lover that your little buddy is wearing a turtleneck. Because he would have to warn them before the deed was about to happen, you know that. Someone back me up here, you just can't whip an uncut penis out and start waving it at a girl, she has to be told before hand what she's dealing with, giving her ample time to jump out the fucking window and call for help if she so chooses.
New moms can't understand that, Libby especially, she always tells me that she wouldn't of minded if I wasn't circumcised. Well she's a weirdo. I don't care what the medical community says, the fact is 65f American men get circumcised every year, and that's gone UP in the past 30 years. It's obviously working for some of us. Natural or not, it's normal and that's all a kid wants to be.
Besides, when I was in the eighth grade my friend Tomato told me that doctors sell the foreskin from a circumcision to gay men for chewing gum.
Yup, it's true. Not suprisingly the "medical community" is silent on this issue. Anyway I feel good knowing I support gay rights and recycling all in one chop.
BTW, my wife's sister's name is Thora. Hehe, yeah...like she should maybe go read one?