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F@ck Tha' Po-Lice


So full of irony.

Such classic examples would be the color of an orange actually being orange.

That's crazy.

Or like how when you catch a cold you feel rather warm.


And perhaps my favorite example would be how the professionals assigned to keep citizens from speeding on the highway are the chief perpetrators of said offense.

I don't know, I could be wrong, but to me it's like hiring Robert Downey as Drug Czar.

Now don't get me wrong, I more then understand, and completely encourage a police officer to race to the scene of an emergency.

Or even in persuit of a fleeing criminal.

That's great. Speed away. Godspeed, even. I'd be offended if they didn't.

But what I fail to understand is why they feel the need to drive as fast as they possibley can whenever possible, and for absolutely no other reason besides the fact that they can, and we can't.

Why is it that when I do it I get tickets, court appearances, and points against my liceance?

A cop would answer that "because you're putting the safety of the public, and yourself at risk, Dickface!"

Point taken. I couldn't argue with that. But I'm curious to know as to how my fellow mortals in uniform can partake in identical activities, yet, without it being seen as a simular threat to the public?

I it because they took a special driving class?

Can I take that class?

If so, can I drive like they do?

Case in point, let me give you an example that happened to me awhile back. This must of happened, maybe....oh.....2 hours ago.

I was driving to work, minding my own, when I noticed a car up ahead pull over into the break down lane.

My first impression was "that guy didn't signal. That's illegal!"

I quickly realized I had other concerns when I noticed what other drivers around me knew for miles, and that is the fact that Mr. I-don't-need-to-signal-fo'-nobody was infact, a constable on patrol.

What's more, he was doing the old... pull over, let me pass, then pull me over. Which is what exactly happened.

Now, if you haven't learned, I'm a connected man.

My brother is not only an officer of the law, but works out of the barrocks near where I was pulled over. So by my calculations there was an excellent chance that he knew this fellow.

I didn't have time to contemplate whether that was a good or bad thing. My brother is always telling me to let the officer know who my brother is. But who wants to do that? I mean, I feel like the child of a celebrity trying to get into a sold out concert.

That said, $250 fines aren't really my bag, baby. So fuck it. I'll play the sibling card.

So the cop pulls me over. I see him get out of the car and start towards me. I immediately open my window and prepare my speech.

A moment passes and I don't see him.

I check my rear view, and he's not there either.

I look out my window again when I hear a knock coming from the passenger side window.

I was greated by a look that spoke loudly "Are you a fucking asshole?"

Imagine, and he probably doesn't even read my diary. Anyways, I roll down the passenger side window, and the more window I rolled down, the more I could clearly hear this guy yell at me.

Very Angry Cop- "License and registration! You were speeding!"

Me- "Um..."

*Hands him my license.

Very Angry Cop- "Um what?"

Me- "Um...I don't know if this matters brother's a cop. His name is Jason..."

*Very Angry Cop throws liceanse at me.

Very Angry Cop- "Well you tell Jason you got stopped by his boss!!!"

Me- "OK"

Very Angry Cop- "AND SLOW DOWN!!!!!"

...he says before getting in his car and jets off doing Mach-2.

I didn't even get a chance to thank him for the verbal repremand.


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