Genghis Jon Interviews Your Punk (Diaryland Survivor 4) Ass! Episode 11, Featuring Matt!
Let's see what he has to say for himself....
Genghis Jon- My God Matt, you actually survived to the end but was smited by another, and therefore departed from the game without the sacred $25 gift certificate to Amazon. Why is life so unfair Matt?
Matt- The only possible explanation is that I probably kicked a puppy in a past life. I'm a good person, damnit! *sniff* Where's my martini?
Genghis Jon- Happy Martin Luther King's Day, Matt. Today me and my loved ones are gonna' gather around the Martin Luther King's Day tree, and sing Martin Luther King's Day carols. I might even make a donation. How are you sticking it to "The Man" today?
Matt- I spent the day watching about five hours worth of Friends reruns on DVD, eating mass quantities of macaroni and cheese, and going out to Best Buy to shop for electronics I can't afford. Oh, and I decorated my Martin Luther King tree, with leftover decorations from my Kwanzaa pole.
Genghis Jon- Hey, did you know you were gay? I did. I read it here. Lemme' ask you a few questions in regards to this. First, are you really gay? You sure you're not just saying this to pull chicks?
Matt- Hey! Who are you callin' gay? To answer your questions: yes, I really am a big, flaming homo. And no, I didn't do it to pull chicks, but I'll tell you, if you're looking to have a gaggle of fly honeys all up on your jock, just tell them you're a disco dancing friend of Dorothy. They'll be on you like white on rice. I'm just sayin'.
Genghis Jon- Do you think that in our lifetime we'll see America recognize a national holiday that celebrates the plight of the brave gay and lesbians throughout history? Like a "Richard Simmons Day" or something?
Matt- I hope for that just for the chance to see a Macy's parade with gigantic Village People balloons. But seriously, I think what really deserves recognition is Richard Simmons' shorts. That spandex goes way beyond its intended call of duty. *shudder*
Genghis Jon- What day of a month would "Richard Simmons Day" be celebrated on, seeing that no month has a 69th day?
Matt- My wish is for it to be sometime after the second Monday, you know, 'cause that's my heavy flow day and all.
Genghis Jon- If the Gay and Lesbian community had a militant group, would they be called The Pink Panthers?
Matt- How did you know about that? You weren't at the organization rally, were you? Wait a minute... I remember you now. You were the one dressed up as Jackie O, in the pink dress and pearls. That was a really flattering look for you. You go, girlfriend! Work it!
Genghis Jon- Back to that Survivor thing. What did you honestly think of the other contestants? I mean, we're all aware of the token loons, but I was wondering if you thought the competition was as hard as you've thought?
Matt- Bastards, every last one of 'em. I totally could've won if the four missing members voted in the final. Hey, how do I know they didn't vote? I demand a recount! Where are Katherine Harris and Jeb Bush when I need them? Truthfully, I enjoyed most of the people in the contest to some degree, even the token loons. Competition was tough, in my opinion, and I'm still amazed I made it to the final two.
Genghis Jon- To be honest, I really had a hard time following the game. My attention span just wasn't cooperating with me. Which kinda' sucks because I had to interview you guys and pretend that I know everything you've been through, when really I just started reading you. Anyways, if you weren't in the game, how closely would you have followed this?
Matt- Well, seeing as I had never even heard of Diary Survivor before getting the random posting in my guestbook urging me to apply for this one, I'd say not closely at all.
Genghis Jon- What was your greatest moment in the game?
Matt- I still chuckle at the thought of the "Alliance" devised by Senor Kinetix in the blog. Alliance Member #7, over and out.
Genghis Jon- What mistakes have you made in the game?
Matt- Ummm... forgetting to send my bribes out to my fellow contestants in time for the final vote. That was definitely my fatal error. I think I could've won everybody over with some free samples of Mexican Ring Thing.
Genghis Jon- Why do you think you got so far in the game?
Matt- Hmm.. other than floating by with my black hole of talent? I really have no clue.
Genghis Jon- Who did you vote off and why?
Matt- I believe I covered that in my final questions. Pay attention, kid! Stop playing with that!
Genghis Jon- Any regrets in playing the game?
Matt- None whatsoever. For a few glorious months, I had something to concentrate on at the office other than paperwork. And I met some great people and had a good time, in general. It's all warm fuzzies from here on out.
Genghis Jon- One last question: Was your 'gaydar' going off while I was interviewing you?
Matt- Like nothing I've ever witnessed before. Face it, you're aching to join the Dark Side. Go out, buy a pair of leather chaps and sing showtunes to your heart's content. Be free!