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Genghis Jon Interviews Your Punk (Diaryland Survivor 4) Ass! Episode 11, Featuring Matt!

The last person to get kicked off of the evilest game that ever exisited is Matt.

Let's see what he has to say for himself....


Genghis Jon- My God Matt, you actually survived to the end but was smited by another, and therefore departed from the game without the sacred $25 gift certificate to Amazon. Why is life so unfair Matt?

Matt- The only possible explanation is that I probably kicked a puppy in a past life. I'm a good person, damnit! *sniff* Where's my martini?

Genghis Jon- Happy Martin Luther King's Day, Matt. Today me and my loved ones are gonna' gather around the Martin Luther King's Day tree, and sing Martin Luther King's Day carols. I might even make a donation. How are you sticking it to "The Man" today?

Matt- I spent the day watching about five hours worth of Friends reruns on DVD, eating mass quantities of macaroni and cheese, and going out to Best Buy to shop for electronics I can't afford. Oh, and I decorated my Martin Luther King tree, with leftover decorations from my Kwanzaa pole.

Genghis Jon- Hey, did you know you were gay? I did. I read it here. Lemme' ask you a few questions in regards to this. First, are you really gay? You sure you're not just saying this to pull chicks?

Matt- Hey! Who are you callin' gay? To answer your questions: yes, I really am a big, flaming homo. And no, I didn't do it to pull chicks, but I'll tell you, if you're looking to have a gaggle of fly honeys all up on your jock, just tell them you're a disco dancing friend of Dorothy. They'll be on you like white on rice. I'm just sayin'.

Genghis Jon- Do you think that in our lifetime we'll see America recognize a national holiday that celebrates the plight of the brave gay and lesbians throughout history? Like a "Richard Simmons Day" or something?

Matt- I hope for that just for the chance to see a Macy's parade with gigantic Village People balloons. But seriously, I think what really deserves recognition is Richard Simmons' shorts. That spandex goes way beyond its intended call of duty. *shudder*

Genghis Jon- What day of a month would "Richard Simmons Day" be celebrated on, seeing that no month has a 69th day?

Matt- My wish is for it to be sometime after the second Monday, you know, 'cause that's my heavy flow day and all.

Genghis Jon- If the Gay and Lesbian community had a militant group, would they be called The Pink Panthers?

Matt- How did you know about that? You weren't at the organization rally, were you? Wait a minute... I remember you now. You were the one dressed up as Jackie O, in the pink dress and pearls. That was a really flattering look for you. You go, girlfriend! Work it!

Genghis Jon- Back to that Survivor thing. What did you honestly think of the other contestants? I mean, we're all aware of the token loons, but I was wondering if you thought the competition was as hard as you've thought?

Matt- Bastards, every last one of 'em. I totally could've won if the four missing members voted in the final. Hey, how do I know they didn't vote? I demand a recount! Where are Katherine Harris and Jeb Bush when I need them? Truthfully, I enjoyed most of the people in the contest to some degree, even the token loons. Competition was tough, in my opinion, and I'm still amazed I made it to the final two.

Genghis Jon- To be honest, I really had a hard time following the game. My attention span just wasn't cooperating with me. Which kinda' sucks because I had to interview you guys and pretend that I know everything you've been through, when really I just started reading you. Anyways, if you weren't in the game, how closely would you have followed this?

Matt- Well, seeing as I had never even heard of Diary Survivor before getting the random posting in my guestbook urging me to apply for this one, I'd say not closely at all.

Genghis Jon- What was your greatest moment in the game?

Matt- I still chuckle at the thought of the "Alliance" devised by Senor Kinetix in the blog. Alliance Member #7, over and out.

Genghis Jon- What mistakes have you made in the game?

Matt- Ummm... forgetting to send my bribes out to my fellow contestants in time for the final vote. That was definitely my fatal error. I think I could've won everybody over with some free samples of Mexican Ring Thing.

Genghis Jon- Why do you think you got so far in the game?

Matt- Hmm.. other than floating by with my black hole of talent? I really have no clue.

Genghis Jon- Who did you vote off and why?

Matt- I believe I covered that in my final questions. Pay attention, kid! Stop playing with that!

Genghis Jon- Any regrets in playing the game?

Matt- None whatsoever. For a few glorious months, I had something to concentrate on at the office other than paperwork. And I met some great people and had a good time, in general. It's all warm fuzzies from here on out.

Genghis Jon- One last question: Was your 'gaydar' going off while I was interviewing you?

Matt- Like nothing I've ever witnessed before. Face it, you're aching to join the Dark Side. Go out, buy a pair of leather chaps and sing showtunes to your heart's content. Be free!


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