Hi, folks. Welcome to the forth part of my interview series. I wanted to take a moment and warn my readers about what's about to take place in this interview.

Now, I've noticed a recent phenominon as of lately, something I call "Canadian Angst."

Now, most of you are probably thinking that our Canadian "friends" are too chilly up there to be hating anybody. That's sure how they come across. But put one in a room with a skilled interviewer such as myself, and watch what I pull out.

Please put the kids to bed before you proceed.

Genghis Jon: aren't we the hard one to track down?

Erin hah ya i know. i'm not usually on this thing, that could be it.

Genghis Jon: Naw, probably something else

Erin that sounds reasonable.

Genghis Jon: Are you prepared for me to pick apart your brain, and make you feel like garbage? Or is this a bad time?

Erin hey i'm always down with being made to feel like garbage. if its a good time for you..its a good time for me.

Genghis Jon: Great, let's begin

Erin sure thing. i'm pretty excited about this.

Genghis Jon: Cool, you should be.

Genghis Jon: :)

Genghis Jon: Sorry, didn't mean to do the :)

Erin ahhh thats a ferocious lookin yellow head.

Legitamo: I usually don't do that but.....

Erin because i am so special you decided to whip out the emoticons?

Genghis Jon: Damn straight!

Genghis Jon: Alright, first question!

Erin ok shoot

Genghis Jon: Because I had no girlfriend this valentine's day, I was able to buy a $300 sound card for my computer off ebay. Do you think I made out better, or what?

Genghis Jon: Because if Iwas seeing some lil' piglet, I would of have to've bought her tulips or something costing $500

Erin oh you are one of those tulip buying folk. you definitely made out better with the sound card, i mean having a girlfriend, and buying her flowers or whatever..that shit is for people in highschool that just wanna score.

Erin hell what do i know. my boyfriend got me a vibrator for valentines day. i am bitter towards the lack of tulips.

Genghis Jon: WRONG ERIN! How is a sound card going to keep my belly warm??? Huh? Next question, try to catch up, OK?

Genghis Jon: Whoooaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Genghis Jon: (Screeching halt!)

Erin exactly what i felt like when i opened the present.

Genghis Jon: A vibrator? He got you a vibrator? For Valentine's Day?

Genghis Jon: A vibrator?

emoschoinal: he sure did. a multi-speed vibrator...that resembles a enlarged bullet

Genghis Jon: A battery operated, penis shaped, mechanism that is to be used for female masterbation purposes?

Genghis Jon: For Valentine's Day?

Genghis Jon: So did you try to shove it up his ass or what?

Erin no i didn't..he would have enjoyed it too much, and i was still a little shocked over the whole idea of him purchasing me a masturbation toy for valentines day. he tried to shove it up my ass though..if that counts for anything. ok this interview needs a warning for content now.

Genghis Jon: No need for warnings. The only people who read this diary are pedophiles and serial killers.

Genghis Jon: I know guys who've bought their girlfriend's vibrators. I never would. I mean, why not just bring home some guy with a big dick to fuck you? Pretty much the same thing, right?

Erin my feelings exactly. i actually was shocked that he gave it to me, cos in my way of thinking, it just shows that he isn't fufilling me, and therefore i need this shiny gold instrument to do it for me.

Erin is it alright if i smoke during this interview? i just have to ask, some people don't like the second hand smoke.

Genghis Jon: It's kinda like saying "Go fuck yourself" in a way.

Genghis Jon: Smoking is fine

Genghis Jon: You know the rules though. No drinking, no drugs.

Genghis Jon: Be cool, like GJ!

Erin Ya i'm on board the cool train.

Genghis Jon: (Paid for by the "Genghis Jon is Sober and Lonely Foundation")

Erin hmm..thats down right pathetic. you should consider new funding.

Genghis Jon: No. Next question

Erin hit me. i'm ready

Genghis Jon: Alright next question. WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE HIM!!!!! HE"S A JERK ERIN!!!!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erin holy rhino ass are you scary. its not all as bad as it sounds. he is actually a great person, one of my best friends. but i'll take your comments under advisement.

Erin well maybe if you would have accepted my proposal i wouldn't be in this mess right now...its all your fault.

Genghis Jon: Well, yeah, I have an obligation to be scary. My competition sucks. If I don't do it, who else will?

Genghis Jon: What proposal?

Erin i think i asked you to marry me a thousand months ago.

Erin or perhaps i am just hallucinating

Genghis Jon: Oh, yeah, well aren't you 15?

Genghis Jon: Too old

Genghis Jon: I like 'em younger

Erin haha..well i've been told i have young flesh.

Genghis Jon: Seriously, how old are you?

Erin 19. i feel like i am 45 though most days.

Genghis Jon: Tell me about it

Genghis Jon: Next question. You're in British Columbia, I'm in Connecticut. I'm four hours ahead of you in time. Wanna' know what's gonna' happen in the future?

Erin oh boy do i. tell me about the future genghis-jon...i so want to know what it has in store.

Genghis Jon: I wish I could tell you, but the CIA is monitoring this closely. Just don't eat that orange jello in your fridge.

Genghis Jon: Anyways. Tell my readers a little about yourself. Be as honest and blunt as possible.

Erin damn the CIA..once again it ruins my plans for my midnight snack attack. You dirty badge wearing, pressed shirt and tie bastards...ya you hear me.

Genghis Jon: They hear you Erin. They hear you....

Erin Well lets see. I'm currently living a life of little effort. I don't go to school. I don't work. My days are mostly spent romping around my apartment making imaginary award acceptance speeches into forks and such. I've been seriously considering getting a webcam, and hooking my life up to the net, cos well i have a lot of time on my hands, and i don't know for sure, but i think people would stop in to view me flouncing around in my sheep pajama's talking into cutlery..right? Other then that..my life is deadly boring. I just smoke a lot and watch martha stewart. i have a crush on her. my secret is out. oh no.

Erin oh and most importantly i am canadian.

Genghis Jon: One day you will know how blessed your life really is. I can't tell you how much I envy you. Bless your job-free heart, little one.

Genghis Jon: Canadian? Alright, let's talk about that. I, being born in France, and raised in the U.S, I feel a kinship towards you guys up there. Let me ax you a Canadian question. What the Hell did we ever do to deserve Sum 41? Huh? Is this revenge for me calling Canadians Un-American? Because if it is, I truely am sorry. Truely. Please take them back. PLEASE!

Genghis Jon: They're making another record as we speak, this has gotten WAY out of hand, Erin.

Genghis Jon: Please talk to your presidente, or emperor, or whatever you guys have up there, and offer my unconditional surrender.

Erin hahhaah what are you talking about, Sum 41 rocks my ass. I have their posters on the ceiling above my bed so i can look at them every night before i go to sleep and dream in Sum 41 soundtracked sequences. wow i don't even know if that was a sentence. Ok i hear what you are saying though, the boys are a bunch of lil punkass fuckers that make bad bad music, and their first album should be burned at the stake. I'll talk to our prime minister. He's number 4 on my speed dial.

Erin He says he'll swing a deal if you give us kentucky

Genghis Jon: Kentucky? Are you kidding? We'd pay you to take Kentucky!

Genghis Jon: We'll even throw in Alabama, at no extra charge.

Erin Nooo...we don't want alabama. We already have enough banjo strumming provinces up here..we don't need anymore.

Genghis Jon: Sure you do. Take Alabama damn you! For Sum 41 you deserve a lot worse.

Genghis Jon: Next question

Genghis Jon: If I told you I pay for health care, would you giggle at me?

Erin i'd roll over in mad hysterical laughter.

Genghis Jon: Nnnnnnnnnevermind then.

Genghis Jon: Next question

Erin alrighty

Genghis Jon: Did you breathe a sign of relief when our president was naming the countries that make up the "axis of evil" and he didn't include Canada?

Genghis Jon: I mean, you never know with that guy

Genghis Jon: He's silly!

Genghis Jon: We're not even sure how he got in! He lot less votes and stuff. You need a lawyer to explain how he won.

Erin I am actually a big bush fan.

Genghis Jon: The band or the female genitalia?

Erin umm..i'll take genitalia for 500 alex. no but seriously, georgy boy aint so bad. I'd hate to see what kinna mess gore would be making right now had he got in. He'd be hiding behind a desk somewhere crying into his frosted flakes.

Genghis Jon: that's bullshite Erin. Gore is a big man, with broad shoulders. He's related to Charlemagne you know? Al Gore would wipe his ass with their turbins.

Erin big man with broad shoulders....sure if that equals fat man with flubb to feed millions. They should air drop his lard ass into afghanistan and let the hungry minions feed off his flesh

Erin ok sorry, i got hostile there for a second.

Genghis Jon: Damn! I thought you guys were all liberal, and socialistic up there? Who taught you these things? Sum 41? Does Rush Limbaugh come in up there? Blast that guy....

Genghis Jon: anyways.....

Erin yeah if in doubt..blame Sum 41

Genghis Jon: What kind of cigarettes do you smoke Erin?

Erin benson and hedges special lights.

Erin only the elite ultra hip smoke them.

Genghis Jon: How old were you when you started that filthy habit?

Erin oh god, i was thinking about this the other day. I was 13. Now i look around and i see all these stupid children trying to be cool with their cigarettes dangling from there mouths, and it looks ridiculous. I don't want to think that thats how i looked when i was their age..it makes me feel like a retard of society.

Erin i'm quitting when i turn 26, or if i get pregnant, or if i get married to someone that doesn't like smoking. thats the deal i made with myself.

Genghis Jon: Really. I started when I was 11. By the time I was 15 i wished I'd never started. I swear, if i ever have kids I'm going to tell them they can smoke all they want. That way, if they're anything like me, they won't have any interest in it.

Erin I don't think i have enough faith in reverse psychology. If i ever had kids i think i'd make them smoke about 5 packs when they were 8 years old. The way i see it, they would suffer severely and from there on out would fear the almighty smoking sticks.

Genghis Jon: Of coarse they'd be dead of cancer by age 11. But I'm a fan of tough love also.

Genghis Jon: So compliment time Erin! Something I'm not known for, and something I'd NEVER normaly give to anyone, especialy after a hit to my man Gore. But nobody's perfect. Anyways, you're a terrific writer. Why not persue a career in that?

Erin Well i don't think i have ever discussed this in my diary, but i want to become an anchor woman. Writing is just something i do to fill time, i would never pursue it as an actual career. I want to be on tv and wear cool pant suits.

Erin Unfortunately though, sitting on my ass isn't really gonna make that dream come true.

Genghis Jon: Who doesn't? That'd be cool. You've also talked about suffering from anxiety. Do you think that'd be an tough obsticle for you?

Genghis Jon: I mean, being on TV would make anybody pretty panicky, ya dig?

Erin yeah i have panic disorders, but i take meds for it. I guess i just like to have the dream of being a news woman, cos deep down i realize its not gonna happen, and therefore i don't have to face up to the fact that i know i couldn't actually do it. I'd be a freakin disastor in the making. I'd probably maul a camera man in some fit of panic.

Genghis Jon: Hey, hey, hey...

Genghis Jon: That's bullshite.

Genghis Jon: You can do whatever you want. A disorder is just that. It's not holding you down. Only you are.....Krist, I'm turning into Oprah.........

Erin Yeah this interview just suddenly turned into a self-help seminar.

Genghis Jon: Too fucking bad. It's true though. I mean, I use to be all fucked up, still kinda' am, but I pulled myself together. I did it so one day I could get a diary and interview people and help them.......so, let me ax again. You don't pay anything to the doctor? You pay a little, right?

Genghis Jon: It's not 100% free health care......right?

Erin no, its not totally free. I pay about 80 bucks a year, and i mean we pay through taxes and shit as well. But i must say our health care system is far superior to yours.

Genghis Jon: True, but I guess I'd rather have a job anyways.

Erin well i'd rather have a job as well, but the cards just didn't get dealt that way. I'm waiting for a reshuffle...then we'll see what happens.

Genghis Jon: Kinda, lost you there sport. That's OK. What are your views on the States? Sounds like you got a bone to pick with us. Lay it on me!

Erin First of all, i have never lived in america, i have hardly even visited there, so all my views on america are strictly based on diehard stereotypes feed to me by tv. I guess the biggest problem i have with america is how they view canada. Like el presidente bush, when he was giving some speech about what countries were behind him and his war..and he mentioned all buy canada. Why is it that we are always the forgotten ones? We are your neighbors, and you treat us like a rash on your ass.

Erin i meant to say all but canada.

Erin ah fuck it. your readers are probably illiterate anyways

Genghis Jon: Oh, come on! Do you really belive that? Or is that just the French in you?

Erin I AM NOT FRENCH.

Genghis Jon: Sure you are!

Erin Nope..sorry..i don't even like cheese, i can't be french.

Erin i am part german though. i think thats where most of my problems stem from.

Genghis Jon: But seriously. The whole world looks at us like we're a country filled with moviestars, and huge egos. Do you really believe that we're like that?

Erin no i don't believe that. I believe that americans are probably the most arrogant and abrasive people on the entire planet though. seriously, i don't know what makes americans like that..maybe its something in your water.

Genghis Jon: You know, I was totally observing a new trend I call "Canadian angst" Nobody believes me when I tell them about it! They're like, "The Canadians? The love us!" And I'm like "No man, they get all crazy when you ax them what they think of us! Just like the French!" I don't know, I guess the key phrase was "all my views on america are strictly based on diehard stereotypes feed to me by tv." Can you admit that you're basing your conclusions on hogwash media?

Erin yes i sure can.

Erin i gotta go have sex though now, so we are gonna have to wrap up this interview

Genghis Jon: Not before we sing "We are the World!"

Erin well how about you start and i'll go get dressed and join in in a sec

Genghis Jon: Yeah, OK. Go put on your American jeans.

Genghis Jon: "We are thee world....."

Genghis Jon: We are thee children....

Erin you actually think i know the words?

Genghis Jon: "We are the ones that make the whole world hate us, because our economy is better than theirs, and they feel like chumps because they're being beaten by a bunch of Ugly Americans...."

Erin seriously though i gotta go have my ass molested. the boy is harassing me to get my butt over there.

Erin american's are ugly

Erin i'll admit that much

Genghis Jon: Take one for Canada Erin!

Legitamo: And thanks for letting Genghis Jon "Interview your punk ass!"

Erin oh no thank you.

Genghis Jon: You're welcome. Now go have some sex, you crazy Canadaian, you!!!

Erin yeeeehaw! will do. later skater.

And as tradition, here's a pic of Erin

So, wow, huh?

Told ya!

Canadian angst, ladies and gentlemen.

First they harbor, aid, and provide free medical care to the 9/11 terrorists.

Now they want our president to thank them.

Am I missing something?

Canada, unlike most third world countries, seems to have a bit of an ego problem.

Get them talking about our respected nations, and in ten minutes you're an "ugly American"

That may be so, but you're feeding off our teet, Canuk!

And don't you forget it!

-GJ

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