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Face It! The Future Is Here And You Got Jipped!

Wow, huge news today!

A few months back there was some big hype about a secret invention in the works, mysteriously called "IT" . The few investors that knew what this thing was, were quoted as saying things like "it'll be bigger than the internet" or "cities won't hesitate to build around this product."

Sounds pertty big time, huh?

I tell ya' it peeked my interest. I followed this story like a whore follows the latest stain removers.

So anyways, it was announced on Good Morning America this morning, that the greatest invention sinse panty hose is a scooter.

You heard me right.....a $3,000 scooter.

Now, if you ask me, I feel a wee bit short changed here.

I mean, it's the year 2000 & 1!

Where are our jetpacks, and hover cars, and Pills that turn our snots into salt water taffy?

Why are we getting all horny over a scooter that can go (Gasp) a whopping 17 miles per hour? How am I suppose to run from the po-lice on one of these things?

Plus, does this guy know we already have bicycles? I don't think he does. I mean, this guy (the inventor, Dean Kamen) seems to think it's going to replace the car.

Um, my car goes a lot faster than 17 miles per hour. It's kind of important that it does too. I live about an hour away from where I work. And that's driving like I just escaped from jail. If I took one of Dean Kamen's scooters, it would take me, Oh, 6 hours maybe.

Plus he's missing one one grand factor. Cars keep you warn. He stated that "it makes no sense to take a huge machine just a few blocks to go to the store."

Yeah, well I live in New England. It gets BITCH-COLD here 6 months out of the year. I get in my car just to go to the end of my driveway and pick up the mail. Believe me, it makes perfect sense.

The asshole probably lives in Maui.

What's more, we already have something comparitive. It's called the Lark. It's for lazy people. The only difference is that you sit while on a lark, and you stand while you're on this scooter thing. At least the Lark is directed towards the elderly who have trouble getting around. The Scooter 3000 is designed for folk who are aren't big fans of walking.

You know what? Make one of these things that float off the ground and I'll get one. Or even if they are equipt with a freeze ray or something. Until that day comes, stop hyping up shit that ain't that great.

And don't by into that "no pollutant thing" either. How much emissions do you get from a bicycle? What's more, I'm a big fan of pollution. Did you know that a polluted sky creates some of the most spectacular sunsets imaginable?

That said, I'm sure Ralph Nader is wetting himself right about now.


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