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It took longer to write about my Saturday night, then it did to HAVE my Saturday night.

Sorry no update yesterday. My roommate dragged me to Northampton to see Jason Lowenstein of Sebadoh fame. So I couldn't update last night as I had planned, due to an overhealming urge to go to bed at 8:30. Not unlike a senior citizen who stayed up too late watching Murder She Wrote. Being 29 sucks.


So, I want to talk about my weekend adventures of meeting two Diarydolls by the names of Kristin and Jenn.

So I's chatting with Kristin last Friday on the IM. We're both new members of each other's respective fan clubs. Anyways, she's born & bred in my home state of Connecticut, so we talked about every exciting and cool thing that's ever happened here.

That lasted about five minutes. Then she told me that she and Jenn

would actually be in town for her parent's birthday blowout bash, and to done get that back of her's tattooed. She said that they were planning on hitting a bar that I frequent, and if I'm not doing nothing we should hang. Sounded pretty fucking cool with me.

I asked my roommate to go. He wanted to see some Chinese piano-playing chick at Wesleyn who's famous for climbing in her piano like a monkey and plucking the strings. That sounded OK, especially figuring that the odds of the piano crashing in on her when she was inside seemed pretty fair, it still wasn't something you do on a Saturday night though, so I talked him out of it.

So I brought him along, in case it was some sort of setup. You never know. I was entertaining worse case senerios on how the meeting might happen. This is what I pictured.

I walk into the bar and saw them standing at the other end. When our eyes made contact, I gave out a smile and a wave as I headed towards them. Kristin started making her way towards me as Jenn stayed leaning against the wall. Arms folded, with a sinister look on her face.

As I got closer to Kistin, I noticed she had her arms streched out as if to give me a hug. When we were right in front of each other, I noticed that she was actually holding a chain in her hands, that she proceeded to wrap around my neck, and pull from behind! I use both my hands to pull the chain away from throat, and gasp for whatever air I can manage. That's when I notice Jenn start walking towards me slowly, grinning madly. She pulls out a 6" blade and starts jabbing me in the gut, screaming things like "You're not so funny now, are ya' Mr funnyman!?!"

The last thing I notice before slipping away, was that the hand Jenn was using to rob the life out of my body,.....was her left!

Happily the meeting was much more civilized. Kristin told me that I couldn't miss her. She's 6 feet tall, red hair, nose ring. I walked into the place and the first thing I see was someone fitting that description on my left hand side, talking with somebody that appeared they haven't seen in some time. She didn't notice me, so I took the opportunity to go to the back of the bar, light a cigarette, and think of somethingf slick to say. I was leaning towards "Weeelll, aren't YOU a tall drink of water!" or maybe just an plain old "AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!" in her ear. Before I got a chance to decide, I heard a "Jon!" coming from a table right in front of me. I looked over an recoginzed them both completely from various pictures on their webites. I went over and shook their hands like I'm some sorta' fucking attorney. I said "Hi, I'm Jon" and "Big fan!" when shaking each of their hand.

I got a drink and sat down. We went through all the small talk, "how ya' doin'?" "How long ya' been here?" "How was your day?" During the small talk time, I think I sized them both up fairly well.

Jenn was the bubbly, social one. If these two ever found themselves in front of a rickety, old rope bridge that they had to cross in order to save the princess, Jenn would go first.

Kristin, on the other hand seemed like a very sincere person. The type that wouldn't laugh at a joke to be polite if she didn't find it funny. Her words were intellegent and well thought out before she gave them. A trait that I'm a humongous fan of.

When I asked them a mutual question ("where did you guys meet?" I think it was) they both came alive! Their eyes lit up, they were leaning forward, and finishing each other's sentances. Yes indeed. Got me thinking how the recipe for best friends is two people with the same interests yet slightly different personalities to appreciate.

They thanked me for writing such nice things about them, and I said "well it's true. You guys are talented!" Jenn started on how talented I was an I replied "Aw, shucks, you don't need to say that. Gosh. Golly Gee."

My roommate John was watching the bands in the other room for awhile, but then he came and sat down at the table. John was talking to them about.....I don't remember. Maybe something in regards to Kristin carving her initials on the table. John's a photographer, as is Kristin, while me and Jenn are musicians. I was weighing the odds that we were all seperated at birth somehow.

And before I move on from the tale at the bar, I should mention my smoking habit. Something that increases 1000% when I'm A) Drinking, B) Socializing and C) Nervous. I bring this up because Kristin quite this evil habit about a month ago. When I first got there I asked "do you mind" she was like "No, no. Go right ahead. It don't bother me." sadly Jenn was keeping up with me, and now John joined in on the brigade. She was obviously dying at this point, understanibly. I tried to cut the shit, I really did! I'd just automatically pick up a cigarette, look at her, feel guilty, put it away, wait five seconds, give in and light it up. When you're a smoker, and in situations A, B, and C as desrcibed above, every cigarette is your first of the day. She stepped outside for a few moments while the three of us hung our heads in shame.

We were happenin' people, but not above a little excersize. You know, a little stretching of the legs? Kristin suggested we walk around Yale University. Sounded like a good idea. Hangin' out at the Prez's old school. Checkin' out the spots where he use to buy coke. Ha! And these girls thought Boston was historical!

So we exit the pub. I asked Kristin where she parked the car. She pointed to a parking spot across the street nototrious for towing cars. It's a bank parking lot, even though equiped with gates they're left wide open. The "no parking- cars will be towed" sign prominently displayed in the shadows. A car-trap if I've ever seen one. I asked her to check and see if it's been towed, she walks over and calmly states "yep" as if it was no big deal. This woman is like Buddha the way she handles things.

Anyways, we walk the few blocks to the garage to rescue the car. The garage is gated (I'm assuming so no one will park there car in there. I mean, where would they tow it if that happened?) and to my surprise, being garded by none other then Snoop Dogg himself.

Snoop made small talk with me while Kristin got her car. He talked about all the cars they towed a night. What I really wanted to know was how I could get me some ho's, but I didn't know how to bring it up.

Seventy-Three dollars later, the car is free at last. We head down to Yale for an educatingly good time. Kristin should be a tour guide. She was pointing out stuff that only 4 people in the university know of. "See that design of people below the sill of the window? During the construction the workers were on strike. Notice the judge mallet, and police figures."

I was trying to think of something witty to comment, but "fucking cool" came out. What can I do?

So we're cruising around the campus. The girls were heavily into the architecture of the place. Often pausing for a moment, while looking at a 18th century building that is now a dorm. They'd ask each other "is that art deco, or art nuevo" while half-naked, drunk college dudes would walk past the window. One of them mentioned something there being a "giant vagina" around there somewhere, and I didn't listen to a thing after.

What I DO remember is looking at the drunken stupidity of the various Yale body and thinking "future senator.....future congressman.....future president..." I'm sad to report that the future rulers of the free world seem to like Kylie Minogue. That scared me.

Well, John started whining about getting up in the morning so we had to call it a night.

On the way back to their car, Jenn shared a story about her boyfriend who works at a restaurant. A customer came in once and said "Yooour chickens look delicious" in a funny accent, that guys like myself with obsessive compulsive disorder (as Kylie would say) can't get out of my head. For the rest of the night, me and John were saying to each other "your fingers look delicious" or "your muffler looks delicious" Things that aren't funny to anybody besides us.

Anyways, we dropped them off, thanked them for the evening, and wished them a safe drive.

On our walk back to the car we takleed about how lucky we were to meet, and hang with such cool people. We were in a great mood! If we had pistols, we'd fire them in the air! If we had a pinata, we'd smash the shit out of it!

A perfect New England evening if there ever was any.


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