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I wanna be an orphan.

I hate my family so, so much. I wish I was an orphan.

This isn't belated teenage angst people, this is what I would request if a genie ever asked.

Let's start small and work our way up.

My brother is a nipple.

I mean he's my brother, I love him and all...but the guy is, has been, and probably always will be the biggest dick towards me.

I feel bratty even talking about it, but sweet Jehovah I cannot help it.

I ran into "The Man" over my dad's house. Jason walks into the house, walks right by me like I wasn't even there. I hate it when people do that to me. Shoot me for all I care, just DO NOT ignore me. then when I'm trying to conduct a conversation with him, he answers my question with quick quips as if I was annoying him somehow.

Mind you, this fucking asshole asked ME to be his BEST MAN at his wedding. Meaning that I have to stand up in front of everybody he has ever known and make a speech on what I think of him.

anyways, I get no respect from this guy, and it drives me crazy.

And if that wasn't enough, my brother has used his unique asshole superpowers to track down, and marry his asshole counterpart.

The Queen Lady of Asshire.

Jason left his asshole dog (Yes, even his dog is a fucking asshole) at my dad's, and when he came to pick him up, I went out to say hi. Why? Because I'm a fucking nice, and that's what normal people do. My brother's intention was just to get his dog and leave without saying a word towards me.

So I go outside, say hello, he ignores me,...yadda, yadda...

I look over at his car, and the Queen Mother is there, looking right at me.

I resolve myself into wondering how long it will take for her to say hi.

And I wait...

She's got to at least wave.


Please, one little wave and I'll call off the contract I put out.

My hope dies when I see them back out of the driveway and back to whatever pile of shit they crawled out of.

As they were driving away, I had a thought about shoving her head up his ass, and his head up her ass.

I'd call the piece "The Circle of Royalty" and put it on display at the Smithsonian.


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