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Jews For Jon

Ever wonder what Disco The Kid and Trance Jen might talk about if they were to speak on the phone?

Why me of course.


Phish has announced that after 20 years they have decided to break up.

They say that they plan on spending more time sucking my balls, bunch of talentless screwballs if there ever were any. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I say. Sadly, not everyone agrees with me. Check out some quotes from people who have excessive bumper stickers.

"I will relish the shows I am attending this summer, then deal with whatever emptiness it brings me."

O fuck me. Empytiness. You wanna' fill that emptiness, get a butt plug. Fuck you. Lemme tell you something, if you're so emotionaly attached to Phish of all bands, you got some problems. I felt emptiness when I was 12 and my dog died. If you experience something simular when these turds tell you they're not playing together anymore, than you have an obilgation to jump off a bridge. You seriously are no use to anybody. Good bye.

"A part of my soul died today.."

At least your soul is in unison with your brain. I hope you eat bad shrooms and get an infection, you worthless piece of monkey crap!

"I'd always hoped that my son would be a young rookie at shows the way I was with the Grateful Dead."

Yeah, it's frightening thinking your kid won't be exposed to 60,000 people tripping on LSD, rolling around in mud, puking on him. What chances does this poor lad have at turning out to be a well adjusted part-time Taco Bell associate like his dad? Is there no God?


I want to brief you all on how the Adkins diet works. Basically you rid yourself of carbohydrates, forcing your body to burn fat as energy.

When following the guidelines, it's OK to eat fat because your body isn't storing it. It's using it as energy.

I don't know about you, but I know tons of people on this diet. Half of everybody I know is eating cheeseburgers without the bread, boasting about how much weight they lost. Frightening to say the least.

Anyway, as I figure would happen, people are cheating on this diet. Sad thing is, there is no cheating.

At work today, I saw someone who I know to be on the Adkins diet eating a bagel. She informed me that she "cheats a bit". She then went on to smother her bagel with butter.

"The best thing about Adkins, is that I'm able to eat butter again."

See, that's what I'm talking about. Adkins is convincing people that food high in fat is good for you. Which is true, if you have no carbs in your body. When you do eat carbs, AND high fat foods, you're killing yourself. Especially butter. Butter is terrible for you. This poor woman thinks just because she cheats on the carbs a bit, butter is still gonna' do her favors.

I think a lot of people are going to be doing shit like this, so it's a good time to let people know how much you love them. I'm predicting mass heart attacks. World wide. Trust me, it's gonna get ugly.


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