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God Save The Spleen

Well I just saw the Queen's 50th Anniversary Jubilee on TV, and have to say that the English just inched past the French for being the most ridiculace people in Europe.

I know this is an obvious complaint, one that has probably been worn out before I was ever been born, but why, O Sweet Lord in Heaven, would you have a Queen if she doesn't do anything except go around and wave?

All she is is an old lady.


Just a snobby old lady, propped up and used as a figurehead for a country.

Well, America has it's bird, England has there's.

What's really tormenting her, I bet, is the legacy of her ancestors.

I mean, the English monarchs use to kick some fucking ass. They'd hang three people, chop off two heads, and disembowel a commoner before getting out of bed in the morning.

You could just imagine what was going through her head when she was up on stag standing next to Ozzy Osbourne. Looking out to thousands of people, and not able to chop off one head. Bloody hell!

Anyways, I will say this about the Brits. Them chicks are HOT.

There were all these random girls lurking about onstage, and I could tell just by looking at them that I could score with them. No problem. British girls would dig me.

Here are some other international flavors that I think I'd do well with.

*French- Shiiiiit, the French practiclly invented the whore.

*Irish/Scotish- Gaelic chicks love some of dat' Genghis Jon. I usually lure them with a potato.

*Afghanastan- I'd do well with Afghanastan chicks I think. Mainly because I don't beat them. And you have to admit, those habibs they wear are a real turn on. It's like the girl comes all wrapped up, and it's a surprise how hot (or un-hot) she turns out to be. Fun!

*Russian- Russian chicks don't have an option whether they like me or not. All I's need is a computer and a credit card, and I done got me a bride!

*Chinese- Let's do a little quick math. There's about 600,000,000 Chinese chicks in China. Let's say that just 1% of them are into me. That would mean there are 6,000,000 possibilities in just one country. Those are my kind of odds!

*Canadian- Two very strong points with Canadian chicks that work in my favor. First, they look just like us. I could hit on a Canadian chick all night and she'd never know I was a dirty American, just as long as I leave my Nike sneakers at home. Second, them girls are freeeeeeezing.

I need to do more traveling. American girls are just too fucking difficult. Not only that, there are actual laws preventing you from clubbing one over the head, and dragging her back to your lair.



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