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Who Wants To Marry A Republican Guard?

I've never really been anti-TV, but as of late you really don't have a choice.

Last night, out of 6,432 channels to choose from, there were exactly two things two watch.

A) The War.

Not that they're presently doing a very good job, but they should just stop even attempting to broadcast this in a serious manner.

I don't want to use the word "boring" in describing the war coverage, but c'mon. We can go days without blowing something up and they're gonna cut into Will & Grace to tell us that.

I think that knowing what's going on in the war is pretty damn important, but ask yourself this. Do we really need to sacrifice our entertainment just to see what's going on in the war?

Haven't we as Americans sacrificed enough already?

Here's what I propose.

We'll base a show off of MTV's hit series, The Real World. Except we'll call it something like 'The Real War; Iraq.'

"This is the true story....of 300,000 strangers....picked to live in a desert...and have their lives find out what happens when people stop complying with UN mandates....and starts getting bombed."

Not to be a cynic, but do we really care about what's been happening thus far?

The army's marching to Baghdad, blah, blah....who cares?

What we need to do is start putting the camera on a select group of soldiers, and find out stuff about them that's none of our business.

I say that we interview some of their friends back home to get some dirt on 'em.

Then when they're under Iraqi fire, we'll confront them out on the battlefield and show them videos of their friends talking about "That time he told his wife he was over his mom's house, when really he was at a strip club."

The world will bare witness to his reaction, as he tries to explain to his wife at home why he lied to her, all the while fighting back tears, and Iraqi soldiers.

Now that's what I call "Edutainment!"


If my idea for a show really came to be, it would be the second most disturbing show on television next to "America's Most talented Kid"

I tell ya, after the rape and murder of Jean-Benet Ramsey, America has had child pagent fever!

Basically how this show works is they get a bunch of really young kids who's parents are trying to live out their dreams through them, put them up on stage where a live studio audience, millions of viewers at home, and a panel of judges watches to see which kid can go the longest without pissing their pants.

I just want to pause for a second and applaud the extraordinary parenting these people are doing. Nothing like putting a mountain of pressure on a 3 year old to build characture. She'll need it when she enters rehab at 11.

Anyways, one of the judges they had was Jermanenstein Jackson.

The guy looks like a chocolate bunny that's been sitting in your glovebox too long.

Now if ANYBODY knows what it's like to be a big star it's Jermane Fucking Jackson. That's the guy I want to advice me on how to break into showbiz.

Fucking weirdo. Why not just have Roman Polanski be a judge?

But the best part of the show had to of been a little segment they had before the commercial where they showed bloopers of the kids that didn't make it.

Everyone's sides split in utter hysterics when we saw clips of little girls falling down during a dance number. Another little girl was singing and she broke out in tears from all the pressure. HAAAAAA!!!!! And yet ANOTHER kid fell while attempting to do some sort of gymnastics.

I felt really big laughing at children who were going out of there way to be accepted, and make us proud of them.

Quite honestly, the only thing I felt proud of was that I lived in this beautiful country that understands it takes an entire village to humiliate a child.


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