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I left my Yahoo IM on at work over the weekend, I come back and read this.

reginaimperatrix (Sat 07/27/02 05:47:52 PM): "I wish you were a Pez dispenser so I could eat candy out of your neck."

Shit, I love my readers.......


My company is celebrating it's 25th anniversary today. Whopee. So they give 99% of the place the day off today. 1% gets to take it next Monday. Guess who habitualy falls into that 1% catagory? I'll give you a hint, I'm not writing this update in my underwear. OK, yes I am, but my boss has called security.

So I get to work and it's like "The Stand" here. Usually I have to park 14 miles away. Today? I double parked in two reserved parking spots right up front. You know, the ones that read "President of the company parking only. Don't even THINK about parking here." Well quite honestly I've been thinking about parking there. I've been it for a long time now. I always thought the day I actually did it I'd be pulling shotguns out of my trunk. Happily for those who find me somewhat amusing, I can't see an episode for where I'd be incarcerated. Not for SEVERAL weeks anyways.

Anyways, I'm getting carried away. Where was I? Oh, The Stand. Yeah, there were a couple of people who somehow missed that they had this day off, and are just wandering around with these puzzled looks on their faces.

Some lady- "Hey, where is everybody?"

GJ- "Didn't you hear about the rapture? Jane, I.......LOOCKOUT!! LOCUSTS!!!! AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!"


So I WAY overshot my chances of getting some Polish lovin' this weekend. I forgot to mention when I broke up with her, even though we only went out for like 2 weeks, she was in tears. Women DO NOT forget those things. That was a few years ago, and the last time I saw her was maybe 9 months ago and she just ignored me. I somehow deduced from that that I'd be hittin' it. Am I so retarded that I don't even know I'm retarded?

Anyways, John and Terri, the other members of the camping party, started getting in a little tiff. You see, Terri was bitching at John because he never buys her flowers anymore. Granted, he use to surprise her everywhere with flowers. She couldn't take a shit without him poping out of the toilet with flowers. Now, those flower days are LONG gone and she's pissed. John did a horrible job at defending himself. He was like "Yeah, but back then I use to think about you a lot. Now I'm marrying you, I don't have to think about you." Luckily there was a Frenchman (me!) on the premises to save our poor boy. I told her what John was TRYING to say was that you and him are in a much better position then you were back when you first started dating. He use to get you flowers because he was trying to impress you, that's TRUE. But! You have to understand that men see no value in flowers whatsoever other than that women want them. Maybe you'd like to have them every week, but guys like to progress. Instead of flowers, he's taking you to the Florida. Instead of flowers, he paints your bedroom." Of course her response was "But I want flowers!" Mind you, she was seriously pissed at this point, and John was annoyed with her. This called for some serious love consuling. There was no time to lose, I put on my beret and replied "Terri. Look, John is devoting his life to you. Why do you need flowers? Do you realize what you have in him? Do you understand how hard it is for a guy to commit HIS LIFE to somebody? I couldn't do it. I really couldn't. What do flowers mean? That he's thinking of you? He's MARRYING YOU!" She replied "I know, he does a lot of things for me, BUT I WANT FLOWERS!" I said "Look, OK, you want flowers. That's fine. But before you get bent out of shape about not getting them, and judging him-just realize that the guy is building his life around you. Take that into consideration when you come down on him next time."

John was starring at me with amazment the whole time. I really do have a way with putting things into perspective. Anyways, they were all lovey-dovey after I straightened there shit out. They thanked me, but that wasn't necessary. I'm sending them a bill for my services. $500.


Anyways, after saving John and Terri, my former Polish lover started opening up to me about a guy she broke up with a year ago. She met him shortly after me. They lived together for years, she got sick of him one day, broke up with him, and has been regretting it ever since. See, and you're all gona hate me for this, I know. But when I break up with a girl, or vice versa, I picture their lives falling apart. I mean, at best I picture them settling for some goon, dressing them up like me, nagging them when they show characteristics unlike my own, and just getting by with a second rate me. Not happy, but as happy as one could be without me. It was sorta' surprising hearing her talk about how much this dude meant to her, when the real one was right there. What's the problem?

Anyways, "we had good talk" as girls with polish accents say. We became friends again, and that's cool. As attracted as I am to her, in the 4 years since we've dated I think I've only matured enough to stay with her for maybe 3 weeks. Three weeks tops!


Also, because this is a rare two entry day for me, are you sure you didn't skip over my interview with Ladee LeRoy? You wouldn't want to do that, would ya punk?


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